ADOPT A POSITIVE ATTITUDE TO GET THROUGH ‘COCOONING’
SHAY Martin from Seacrest in Bray had already been ‘cocooning’ prior to the latest instructions by the government.
‘ They have me under house arrest!’ Shay said last Friday, referring to his adult children. It would be some hours before that same advice would come from the state.
His family members have been looking after his shopping and provisions for him.
Shay, at 76, said that he has marked ‘ the second anniversary of my 38th birthday’.
As a person over 70, and with the lung condition COPD, he falls into the category of those most vulnerable to the effects of Covid-19. The government has asked such people to stay at home at all times and avoid any face-to-face contact for a period of two weeks from Friday, March 27, with the exception of healthcare workers and carers.
Shay remains in good form despite being confined to barracks.
Shay’s career was in training and motivation, with his classes over the years including a variety of groups from job-seekers to those in business. His business was and is positivity.
‘When I started into the business of training, a lot of time the training programmes were for people sent by the employment exchange who didn’t want to be there,’ he said. ‘I had to learn all about motivation and positivity.’ Friday was his 13th day in isolation at home. ‘As it turns out it wasn’t a major difference for me,’ he said. Sadly, Shay lost his wife Triona just over a year ago. ‘She wasn’t well with dementia and over the last two years or so she wasn’t able to talk. I got used to talking to the wall!’
Two weeks prior to that Shay was asked by his family to stay in. ‘ The girls (his daughters) wouldn’t let me out, they said “dad, you have to stay in.”’ Shay also has a son living in Scotland and his three daughters all live nearby in Bray and Greystones.
There was a negotiation regarding cigarettes, which they reluctantly agreed to provide as long as he agreed to stay home. ‘I will say I am very conscious and I have definitely smoked less.’
As for remaining at home, Shay is finding it smooth running so far. ‘It’s not too difficult. I can go out to the back garden,’ he said.
‘I’m managing well, considering,’ he said. ‘I’m in three different WhatsApp groups, swapping memes all the time.’
He’s also a conspiracy theorist and keeps himself occupied with research. ‘I’m an Illuminati hunter,’ he said. ‘I have all the stuff and I’m putting that into folders in my phone,’ he said. ‘I gather data on my phone and when someone puts something up in a group I have the information to respond.’
As far as company goes, Shay’s dog Ollie is his constant companion. ‘He’s sick of hearing me going on about conspiracies,’ he said.
Ollie is a relatively new arrival to the household. After Triona passed away, Shay’s daughter asked if he might think about getting a dog for company. Within seconds of him agreeing she was online looking at shelters and putting a call-out to friends. Ollie was re-homed to Shay and the two are now truly the best of friends.
On the day of Triona’s anniversary, March 19, Shay’s daughters came to the front garden, keeping well away, to share a moment of remembering their late mum, who they all miss terribly.
Shay said that on that sunny day, rather than being sad, he thought about how it had been a happy release for her, as she is no longer unwell or afraid. ‘She is free of all anxieties and worries,’ he said.
Shay has much experience in looking at the best in situations, and keeping a positive spirit.
‘I used to say on the courses, negativity is like a rocking chair,’ he said. ‘It gives you something to do but it doesn’t get you anywhere.’
He said that more people lose their jobs because of attitude than through being incompetent. ‘An incompetent person can learn. But if they don’t want to learn, there’s nothing you can do. Motivation is an energy, a movement inside yourself. I can’t say to you - “be motivated”. It comes from within.’
Shay said that attitude is a formulation in the mind, a habit. ‘If you think you are going to fail, you will. If you think you’ll make it, you’ll make it.’
He used to do an exercise in the classroom called ‘ The Balance Sheet Method’, asking participants to take a piece of paper, write a line across the top and a line down the centre. ‘ Then on the left hand side write down all the negative things you can think of in your lie - home, government, anything. Just keep writing them down,’ said Shay. ‘ They would all eagerly grab their pen and start writing - be it their boss, relationships, work, whatever. Most of them would write about 10 or 12 things and then stop. I’d be watching them very closely and they’d all be frowning. Then ask them to go tot he right hand side and write down all the positive things in their life - wife, kids and so on. As they were writing, I would watch carefully. They would start to look up and smile. The reason being that they were programming their minds to think positively. The thoughts coming into their mind were positive and their whole demeanour changed.’
He said that even if a person couldn’t think of positives, they could write down good memories.
‘ The brain will do exactly what it’s told to do,’ said Shay.
He said that people are programmed all the time to think negatively, which in some ways is useful as if they didn’t they would walk out in front of cars. In other ways, though, it is not useful at all.
‘If you think negatively all the time you will be negative. If you start to think positively you will feel that way. The mind doesn’t know the difference between a real or imagined experience. You have the power of your mind.’