My kids’ fear of being away from their mobile phones is an illness

BOTH my children have a sickness. It’s actually quite serious.

Some of yours might have it too but you just don’t know the name for it. In our house, it’s been developing over some time but has reached crisis level in recent months. My kids have, what is known as Nomophobia – a psychological condition when people have a fear of being away from their mobile phone.

I’ve known for a while that they love their mobile phones more than me. Duh! There’s no contest. If I were to disappear for a week, the only concern they would have would be who would do the washing. If their phones disappeared, they would probably contact the gardai and organise a search party.

Anytime we go away anywhere, the first thing The Youngest asks on reaching our destination is, ‘what’s the wifi password?’ We could, hypothetically be in a five star hotel in the middle of the Caribbean but if there isn’t wifi, she ain’t interested.

ANYTIME WE GO AWAY ANYWHERE, THE FIRST THING THE YOUNGEST ASKS ON REACHING OUR DESTINATION IS, ‘WHAT’S THE WIFI PASSWORD?’

But when I asked her to make her bed the other day and went in to find her trying to do it with one hand while she had her phone in the other, I knew we had a problem. The following night on instructing The Eldest to empty the dishwasher I observed him taking the dishes out and putting them in the cupboard, again one handed, whilst scrolling with the other.

I lost the plot. ‘Can you not put those bloody phones down for 2 seconds when I ask you to do something?’ I roared. They briefly glanced in my direction before returning to their screens. ‘We’re multi-tasking,’ replied The Eldest. ‘Our generation is very good at that.’ No what they’re good at is talking s***e.

They can’t go to the bathroom without bringing their phones. Actually the only place I’ve seen them without a phone is in the shower and that’s only because they can’t. And I know mine aren’t the only ones. Parked outside the school each day, I observe almost every single teenager walk out with their heads stuck in their phones, texting, scrolling, snapchatting, whatever it is youngsters do on their phones. None of them engaged in any face to face conversation.

We’ve tried banning them. Phones are not allowed at the table. Dinnertime usually lasts about six minutes and they’re gone! We’ve done family movie nights and insisted on phones being switched off. They spent the whole of Pretty Woman asking, ‘When is it over?’

It’s now gotten to the stage where we communicate via what’sapp. It’s the only way I can be sure they will listen to me and reply. Example – Me: Dinner is ready. Them: BRT (Be Right There for those of you lucky enough to escape this disease).

Funny though, how when you ring them to check up on them when they’re out, they don’t answer. ‘Oh my phone was on silent’ or ‘my phone was dead.’

Yeah right. And I’m Julia Roberts.