How to dust yourself off after failure

In a glossy world where everything is so often redone and made to look perfect, failure can be even more difficult to cope with in modern times.

How many times people redo a photo or use filters or photoshop so they look perfect or do everything to only convey how fantastic their lives are – gives a false impression of how life really is.

Self-pride and wanting to look your best are positive qualities. Feeling you have to look and be perfect all the time are unrealistic and can push us to bury or reject the less than perfect parts of ourselves.

This means we miss out on improving, healing or transforming those aspects of ourselves and our lives for the better. It also means we miss out on the powerful connections we make with others by showing our vulnerability and authenticity. It also makes for an emotional roller coaster as the parts of ourselves we don’t deal with will invariably show up from time to time.

It was interesting to read the biographies of many of the politicians in the recent election. So many of them that got in this time had stood many times before they got in. It happens in politics. It happens on the sports field. It happens in business and the work place. It also happens in our personal lives.

Sometimes we go for things and we get them over the line. Others, we don’t and we can either beat ourselves up or we can learn. Having a growth mindset is a very helpful way of looking at things. Working to create something new or challenging yourself to new heights is to be respected and celebrated.

Always trying to be and do better is admirable. Sometimes failure is down to ourselves. Sometimes it is more related to other factors. If we learn from what we do, we become better which has a positive bearing on every aspect of our lives going forward.

Life is a complete package. We are all in different seasons. Sometimes the weather is fine and things come more easily to us. A friend of mine often jokes how his luck was so bad a number of years ago, if he’d had ducks they would have drowned.

They say it takes a child 4000 attempts to learn to sit up straight. As adults for us to expect ourselves to succeed every time we attempt something even for the first time is simply unrealistic.

Don’t FORGET – LEARN AND MOVE ON

If something doesn’t work after intense effort on your part, sit back and reflect. If you feel sad or upset, allow yourself to experience that for a time. And then let that go.

Think about why and how it didn’t go your way without just blaming yourself or others. What could you have done differently? What changes can you make to yourself now or for the next time. Sometimes it is a matter of timing. The market values different skills and products at different times. A few hundred years ago make-up was not the business it is today.

Determine what you could have done differently. Don’t over-focus on what you fear or what didn’t work. Make a list of what you did well. Perhaps you learned new skills, gained confidence, met amazing people etc. Perhaps you learned compassion.

Whatever you learned will likely be the stepping stones for future successes. Not trying ultimately is the only failure – particularly if you use your growth mindset. Don’t focus on past negatives. Learn. Move forward and think for tomorrow.