Talking will help those bereaved

Community Services centre providing excellent counselling service

THE Drogheda Community Services Centre will continue to give a ‘simple but profound service’ to people who has suffered the loss of a loved one during these difficult times.

That’s the comment from the head of the bereavement counselling service that operates under the banner of the Scarlet Crescent organisation,

John Donohue says that the present circumstances have left people unable to grieve properly, but they have 30 fully trained volunteers ready and willing to listen and it’s a free service to the community.

John is a clinical psychologist and is proud of the fact that the Drogheda service has been running for 30 years, some of their team still involved.

He is full of praise for the volunteers and their dedication.

Normally, people are refered by a GP, the hospital or other services and people can ring and arrange to meet a counsellor and that could involve one meeting or many, over the course of a year or more.

With the present situation, all that has changed, and with the ongoing support of Tusla, the service remains operating, but having to deal with a ‘new normal’ and the fact that the grieving process as we know it, is gone.

Many have lost people they love in nursing homes or care settings and with the restrictions, there was no familiar family face to say goodbye. There are no regular funerals and burial is swift.

‘We think all this is going to cause significant problems. There is no template for what is happening now,’ John states.

He feels the AIDS epidemic is the only thing that could resemble the ongoing situation, people unsure of how to treat it back then, but this pandemic brings everything to another scale.

‘ This is disconnected bereavement. It is a problem,’ he states.

What the service now operates centres on people ringing in the normal way and then being set up with a counsellor over the phone.

It is still very private with the counsellor dealing with the caller in a sensitive way. For them too, it is a new way of dealing with people.

‘I am full of admiration for the counsellors,’ John adds.

He knows they face pressure like everyone else, so they take on just two clients and give them the space and chance to talk and listen.

‘We are seeing almost post traumatic stress creeping in to the present situation and Tusla are wise to that. We are providing a service by experienced people and they are well trained, trained for the irregular things that happen.’

John is looking at many options to help people, one coming from past experience.

‘We may look at a scenario where someone writes a letter to a deceased person, but as if they were in hospital. They put it away for a week or two and then amend it as they wish.’

When the present situation has eased, he’d encourage the people to bring the original letter in and burn it and place the ashes in the ground and plant a tree on the spot, ‘for those that died and for things not said.’

That is one option he hopes to bring forward, but for the moment, everybody is trying to come to terms with a new way of life.

‘Even in the movies, there is grief. To remove grief is not common.’

Anxiety is playing a major part in lives and people are struggling and when they ring to seek some solace after losing someone, the fact that they are locked down compounds it.

‘Yes, some people have adult kids, but when you put the knives and forks down for someone each day and they are no longer there, that’s very lonely,’ John states.

He says their ‘simple but profound service’ does help people.

‘Express your feelings and we will help you. After 40 years in the field, I still don’t know why talking helps but it simply does. One thing is certain, we will be here after this crisis to help.’