Santa is on his way... and he needs a favour
SANTA WILL BE GUIDED INTO IRELAND BY A SPECIAL NEW LED LIGHT AT HOOK LIGHTHOUSE WHICH CAN BE SEEN FROM OUTER SPACE
A MAJOR operation has swung into action across County Wexford in anticipation of the arrival of a famous, portly white-bearded gentleman who is in need of an extra special favour from children across County Wexford this Christmas.
Santa is able to move faster than the speed of sound this year as both he and his nine reindeers Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen and Rudolph have slimmed down considerably due to a crisis in the North Pole.
Chief Elfecutive Officer of the North Pole, Simon Snowbottom, said changing weather conditions in the tundra due to global warming has meant reindeers and Santa Claus have not been able to get enough of the correct food over recent months.
Snow usually covers the ground in the North Pole for eight months of the year, which, combined with low temperatures, limits grass growth to June and July. Reindeers love grass but more rainfall due to warmer temperatures means they cannot access the grass as it gets covered by rainfall, which freezes when it settles on the snow. They have been forced to eat jellybeans which don’t give them enough energy to drag Santa’s favourite food to him, cookies. They do, however, make reindeer break wind, and these eye-watering whizpoppers cause Santa no end of distress as he’s trying to read his satnav map in the sleigh.
‘On the upside they help the reindeer stay alert, but the sugar rush never lasts and they end up being exhausted and pooped out for January and February,’ Mr Snowbottom said.
The crisis, combined with a new get-fit regime brought in by Mrs Claus, for Santa, means Santa and the reindeer will need more food than ever when they arrive at Wexford houses this year.
‘ This is an elfin disaster. Please be sure to have carrots for the reindeers and plenty of milk and cookies for Santa.’
Reindeer enjoy eating lichen which keeps their blood warm and they will be using the Wexford People Wexford on Ice skating rink in Wexford town as a stop-off point this year to eat some lichen before zig zagging across Ireland and on to America.
Emergency services will be on high alert across County Wexford from midnight on Christmas Eve until 4 a.m. on Christmas morning as the Man in Red arrives into the county having flown in his new high powered Wormhole sleigh, which can zoom through the sky at a trillion miles a second. The new sleigh is a prototype the elves have been working on since the summer. It features present catching hooks and the latest in GPS present tracking technology, in case any of the millions of presents somehow fall through the side of the sleigh when Santa Claus is hurrying to jump down chimneys on rooftops across the world.
Santa will be guided into Ireland through a special new LED light at Hook Lighthouse which can be seen from outer space and which is operated by astronaut elfs at the International Space Station. Meanwhile reindeers’ antlers have been fitted with microchips to keep track of them if they get lost chasing down presents.
Speedboats, RNLI vessels and the Rescue 117 Helicopter are the only vessels allowed by Santa along the wild Wexford coastline this Christmas Eve and Christmas Day morning as the beam of light will be directed to the heavens to guide reindeers into the county.
Firemen across the county will be awake all night in case Santa comes down a chimney with a roaring hot fire that a Mommy or Daddy forgot about. Last year Mrs Claus had to sew up his pants after he burned his underpants in a chimney in Enniscorthy and he doesn’t want a repeat of that embarrassing incident as firemen had to hose him until his bum got cool.
Meanwhile Irish wildlife Sanctuary, the WSCPA and NSPCA volunteers – who have undergone specialist training in untangling reindeer tails and clearing reindeer hooves of slippy ice - will be busy driving motorised, sparkly sleighs around the towns, villages and fields of the county in case they are needed.
Wexford Civil Defence and Coastguard volunteers will also be on standby checking fields and ditches on what is expected to be a bitterly cold night, in case any of the buffeting, strong winds blow presents from the rooftops.
Children are urged to keep a five-foot area around the Christmas tree free from sweet wrappers and toys in case Santa injures himself and to help their Mommies and Daddies by going to bed early.
The Elf on the Shelf has been travelling to the North Pole every night and has been telling Santa Claus about how good all children in County Wexford have been and Santa can’t wait to deliver their special presents to them.
He will be keeping in touch with the Elf spy though a mobile elf phone that is hidden near the chimney tops.
‘I am hearing good things. Keep up the good work! I am so proud of the children of County Wexford this year and I wish them and their families a very happy and healthy Christmas and a fantastic 2017,’ Santa said, through an elf express email issued to People Newspapers.
The reindeer will be using the Wexford People Wexford On Ice rink as a stop-off point this year to eat some lichen before zig-zagging across Ireland and then on to America