My latest financial strain has been caused by some online fraudster

THINGS are not good at the moment. In fact I would go as far to say that I am in financial dire straits. Well look it, I’m always in financial dire straits but this time it isn’t my fault. This time it’s someone else’s fault entirely.

I was out last weekend with some friends. We ate pizza and went for drinks. Quite a few drinks actually and in the interest of full disclosure I should add, shots were bought…….by me. Everything after that is more or less a blur.

The following morning, on waking up with a banging headache, I checked my phone just in case I had texted someone I shouldn’t have, or posted something I thought was hilarious at 2 am in a drunken haze, but really wasn’t. God life was so much easier before social media.

Anyway there was a text from my bank, sent to me at 2.20 am saying could I contact them about suspicious activity on my account. My first reaction was,–there’s always suspicious activity on my account! I’m always spending money I shouldn’t be spending, nothing new there.

Then I thought my friends were playing a joke so I took two solpadeine and went back to sleep. My phone rang at 10 am. It was the bank. ‘Did you carry out a transaction on your account for €575 at 4 a.m.?’ they inquired.

I had to think before I answered. Not that I normally drop €500 online shopping in the middle of the night, but like I said……. there were shots consumed and after that I could have bought a feckin’ race horse for all I knew.

‘No no, I definitely did not, I was fast asleep’ I told the bank lady haughtily. She informed me that whilst I may have been asleep some fecker was after hacking into my credit card account and spending over a thousand euro in the space of about 20 minutes.

Whoever the little shyster was, he had a ball in my name, shopping on ebay, QVC and a host of electronic online stores while I was sleeping off my alcohol poisoning. Meanwhile my card, she told me has been cancelled whilst the fraud department investigated the situation.

Once the issue had been thoroughly investigated, the monies would be reimbursed, she said. That was a week ago and it still hasn’t been resolved. I’m afraid to even go to Lidl to buy the brown bread and cheap flowers in case my other card is declined!

Himself said he’d sub me petrol money but he refused to give me gin money as well! And of course he says it’s all my fault because of all the stupid online shopping I do.

Says the fella who buys his Ireland Rugby jersey from Ali Express!!

THERE’S ALWAYS SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY ON MY ACCOUNT. I’M ALWAYS SPENDING MONEY I SHOULDN’T BE SPENDING, NOTHING NEW THERE!