What exactly is a two bee four?
IHAVE to get a Quarter Inch Dowling-it’s a bit like a Two Bee Four; everyone seems to know what it is except me. The Jack on my guitar is intermittent; an important term in the music world, for there is nothing that is more feared than the idea of an intermittent problem. Which is what I have now.
I played a gig the other night, and it worked perfectly for ninety-nine and three-quarter percent of the time. However, today, those figures have reversed at the same pace as Donald Trump’s appraisal of the yokameebob numbers.
It was more off than on during today’s rehearsal. So I looked up the problem on YouTube, and apparently it’s common for the particular Jack that is used on my guitar. Jack is another word that falls into the Two Bee Four category. I doubt that a non-musician needs to ever encounter a guitar Jack. But the musician’s world revolves around Jacks, we could not function without one and the mention of one wouldn’t raise a musician’s eyebrow.
But a Quarter Inch Dowling is a totally other thing surely? Anyway, I’m about to go in pursuit of one. I already called Saffee the hardware store between Sixth and Seventh Street. ‘Would you have such thing as a quarter inch dowling?’ ‘Dowering?’
‘No dowling, dowLING.’ ‘Oh a dowel?’
‘Yes, a quarter inch one.’ ‘Yeah, Si, the round piece of wood.’
‘Yes, thank you, what time do you close?’
‘Seeex’
Now going to Saffee’s is a dodgy affair. Like all shops in Manhattan, there is a space shortage. Manhattan is a small very crowded island, so space is at a premium. Where there should be one large aisle, there are three small ones. Trying to keep six feet apart is difficult. Last time I was at Saffee’s I was watching my back like a gunslinger, people sneak up on you!
Then while standing in an aisle the width of my shoulders, a guy came bounding along like he could run me down, I had to hug the sweeping brushes. And standing on line is a complete joke; if four of us had stood six feet apart we would’ve been out the other end, back on to the street.
Walking along the wide First Avenue pavement, just across from where Rachel Weiss and Daniel Craig live, most people are masked and sheepish, seeming to believe that quietness is part of the deal, like the virus is attracted to sound, I miss the noise.
It’s all going swimmingly polite, when a big bloke saunters past in shiny sweatpants and an expensive looking baseball jacket, he almost walks over me as he dodges in and around me like an Italian moped. There was no incoming warning, zero spatial awareness.
I found myself glaring though his back; of course he had no idea. Then, just as I was getting over him, he turned around and came back with equal disregard. The pavement cleared for him, for we knew him, by then.
Saffee’s hardware pointed towards a whole box full of dowlings in all kinds of sizes, I picked out the quarter inch, it was ninety-nine cents. Following the instructions from you tube, I stuck the dowling into my jack to pull the offending part through to the sound hole.
I then tightened the nut and pushed it back in again. For a moment I felt like a farmer ramming some medicine up the bum of a favourite cow. And it worked! I’ve learned a lot today, now ‘what’s a two bee four?’
Going to Saffee’s is a dodgy affair. like all shops in Manhattan, there is a space shortage. Manhattan is a small, very crowded island, so space is at a premium