Post-graduate new media studies in post-modern symbolism, et al

‘IS emoji singular or plural, fluffaduff?’ No reply. ‘Are emoji plural or singular, sweetness?’ No reply. ‘It could be plural as in the Irish, you know. Just stick an ‘i’ on the end of the singular word. One smiley-face is an emoj perhaps. Then two smiley faces are emoji.’ At last Hermione was drawn into reaction. One delicately sculpted eyebrow was raised over the top of the magazine in which she had been engrossed: ‘You seem to have forgotten the fada, Medders, the little slopey accent on the ‘i’ in Irish plurals. I have never seen a fada on an emoji.’

The eyebrow dropped, like the periscope of some passing submarine, and silence followed for at least thirty seconds. Then two eyebrows - one the wondrous mirror image of the other – broke the surface above the top of the magazine while the perfection of her forehead also became visible, creased by a rare frown: ‘Emoji. That must be a Japanese word by the sound of it, or maybe Hawaiian. I’m pretty sure that the fada is not favoured by the Japanese.’

‘Okay, lovadubs, we will stick with emoji as a singular noun, lower case and no fada, obviously. Singular it is from here on in. Decision made. Happy-face. Happy-face.’

At this point Hermione placed her copy of ‘Food Forum’ firmly down on the kitchen table: ‘Excuse me but what’s with the “we”? And what’s with the “decision”? Is this a committee meeting?’ ‘Not so much a committee meeting. More of an academic forum.’ ‘I was just sitting here quietly looking for a few tips on stuffing the turkey and I find myself in an academic forum. This is bizarre.’

‘An informal academic forum, dearsome. Strictly informal, if that is not a contradiction in terms. It’s just that if I am to pursue my emoji studies, then I will want someone to bounce a few ideas off. I didn’t think you would mind.’

‘Emoji studies? Since when was there such a thing? Since when were you a student of anything barring the labels on wine bottles?’

‘Thank you, sweetpatteet, for throwing such perceptive questions into the ring of our informal little seminar. ‘Argh!’

‘First you enquire regarding the phrase “emoji studies”. Well, apparently, there really is a college offering a course in such a thing and frankly it is not before time.’

‘Harumph!’

‘Second, my little paragon of all that is wholesome, you seem surprised that your spouse is keen to engage in the rigour of intellectual endeavour.’

‘Intellectual, my backside!’

‘I find myself drawn to the cultural, artistic and psychological aspects of a cutting edge genre offering fruitful potential for broad-specturm research.’

‘Medders, will you please revert to speaking plain English. Or better still, stop talking altogether.’

So I did stop talking, though I did not stop thinking about issues that will feature in my thesis, which has the provisional title ‘Emojis – a young person’s medium’.

As a bearded, balding, spectacle wearing sexagenarian, I find that there are few citizens of Emoji-land with whom I can identify. There is one bearded emojoi with a blue hat, holding a shepherd’s crook of all things, who looks a bit like an elderly Smurf. Though his age seems about right, he may have a full head of hair under that hat and he does not sport glasses. Indeed, the folk who inhabit Emoji-land seem to be blessed with fine eyesight, as spectacles are all but unknown, barring sunglasses.

They live in a world peculiar in many other respects: There is a fox but no badgers, for instance. There is a toadstool but no mushrooms. There is a unicorn of all things but no sign of any donkeys. I expect to spend much of my study time exploring the fine distinctions between the various faces – smiley face, sleepy face, thinky face and the rest. My suspicion, as indicated by the thesis title, is that the younger generation is more in touch with these variations than us old fogies.

And, right on cue, here is Persephone: ‘Dearest daughter, I wish to talk to you about emojis.’

‘Whatever for, Da? Emojis are over, finished, kaput, gone.’ Of course, Persephone may prove not to be a representative sample.