I NEED TO LEAVE MY ABUSIVE PARTNER

My partner has been emotionally and physically violent to me for most of our 15-year relationship. I have begged him to get help but he refuses. I feel I can’t leave. I have tried in the past, but it makes him even angrier. We don’t have children and I don’t think I love him any more. If I suggest separating and just being friends he goes absolutely mad. This is a frightening and dangerous situation but the longer you stay, the greater your partner’s control over you – and the more your confidence will be eroded. This will make leaving increasingly difficult. He explodes in rage when you try to leave because he needs a victim, but you can’t live the rest of your life like this. Worryingly, research shows that a woman is assaulted an average of 35 times before her first call to the police. A woman wrote to me recently, ‘I was married to a bullying, controlling, physically violent man. Any little thing could set him off. I was terrified and it took me 29 years to leave with the help of some close friends. I hope my letter will encourage other women to leave if they are with an abusive man.’ You need to plan your exit for when he is not around. Could you stay with family or friends or, alternatively, at a women’s refuge? First though, you must get more help. Please contact Women’s Aid (1800 341 900, womensaid.ie) or Safe Ireland (safeireland.ie). Domestic violence and abuse is a crime and should also be reported to the police. They could help you take out an injunction against your partner to stop him contacting or coming near you. It is important that you protect yourself and leave.