SHE DOESN’T TRUST MY MOTIVES

I have been separated from the mother of my four-year-old daughter for two years. We met when I was 22 and she was 20; we were together for five years. We keep in touch by text. I recently asked her if we could meet. She agreed, but then changed her mind. I believe she thinks I am not being genuine and just want to see her for sex. She says that I am asking to meet, but not saying anything about being together for ever. She has a lot going on at the moment and is completing university. Should I pursue this or leave her alone? As you have not seen your ex-partner since the split, it sounds as though you haven’t seen your daughter either and that deeply concerns me. Unless there is a good reason why a man should not see his child (eg, potential violence), children of separated couples fare better if they see both their parents. Perhaps your ex does not trust you or your motives for wanting to meet because you left her and your child. Or she has had second thoughts about meeting because she wants to be in a committed relationship to provide stability for her daughter, and you are uncertain about the future. Try talking on the phone rather than texting, so that you can discuss these issues and then suggest meeting – perhaps in a café so she knows that it’s not just about sex – to talk some more. You could offer support during this busy time in her life and talk about being a loving father to your daughter.