OUR SEX LIFE HAS DWINDLED

I love my wife and we have been together for five years, but have not had sex for the last three. I have to admit that sex with her was never as good as with most of my previous girlfriends. Now, I simply don’t find her sexually attractive any more. I have questioned my sexuality, but I know I am 100 per cent heterosexual and am easily turned on by other women. She is keen to start a family, but, at 28, I don’t feel ready to have children yet. I have a good job and I want to travel more and do exciting things before settling into family life. This is causing a lot of arguments. Do you think I should make her happy and give in to her wishes? I do want to have children one day. Have you explored the reasons why you no longer find your wife sexually attractive? Was your sex life not good because she was inhibited, or did you always make love in the same way? Had she perhaps put on weight, or had you already begun comparing her unfavourably to previous girlfriends? For sex to be good between two people, they both need to be open about what they enjoy and to try new ideas to give each other pleasure. Alternatively, maybe you had lost interest because deep down you were worried about her getting pregnant, so you started to avoid making love. Unless the sexual side of your relationship is restored, the marriage is not going to be sustainable in the long term. You are only in your 20s – how would you remain faithful in a sexless marriage? It would not be wise to start a family as, sadly, you have to face the fact that your marriage may not have a future. Try joint counselling to see what you both want to do. Contact Accord (accord.ie).