HIS MOTHER’S BULLYING BEHAVIOUR HAS DRIVEN US AWAY

My partner and I are both 50. We’ve been together for 18 months and have a fantastic relationship. We are both professional and successful, despite our poor upbringing and schooling. The problem is his mother. When we invited his parents to stay with us a year ago, his mother picked on me, made demeaning comments and called me by his ex-wife’s name. She had apparently done this with his previous girlfriends. I told her that I could stand up for myself, so she called me a bitch. My partner defended me and she began goading him, saying: ‘Hit me, hit me.’ He didn’t, of course. Then she told him they would disown him if he didn’t end his relationship with me and that I was banned from their house. He hasn’t been back there since. I was subject to emotional, verbal and physical abuse when I was a child, and now I just can’t allow his mother into my life. My partner says he understands and that he is done with her, too. Am I being unreasonable? His mother’s behaviour is unkind and unloving to both of you. As she has also done this to his previous girlfriends, it suggests that she is one of those mothers who wants to ‘own’ her son, and resents any woman he is interested in, which is disturbed and narcissistic. This situation would be extremely painful for anyone, but it is particularly hurtful for you, as it brings back memories of your childhood abuse. It is not surprising that your partner wants nothing more to do with his mother. If she ever recognises that she has a problem and needs help – and is willing to change – then perhaps he could see her again. But that sounds unlikely. I don’t think you will lose the love of your life and you are not being at all unreasonable. I am glad that your partner stood up for you. It’s sad, but I think no contact is probably the only answer. Meanwhile, enjoy giving each other the love you both deserve and have not had enough of in your lives.