THE PREGNANCY DIARIES by Jennie McGinn

Each week, fashionista and businesswoman Jennie McGinn – who is unexpectedly expecting her first child – will share her experiences, tips and tricks for the more ‘casual’ first- time mother

There are certain things with pregnancy you know are going to happen. You are somewhat prepared for the changing shape of a pregnant body… you know you’re going to get a bump (well you should); you hear about things like varicose veins, swollen feet – and they’re easy to visualise.

You know and understand you are going to lose control over your body and bodily functions – indigestion, heartburn, burping – all hard to miss.

But your mind? Losing control of that? That’s not part of the deal.

Pregnancy hormones – they mean anything and nothing but you can pretty much attribute everything to them. And yet, to truly understand pregnancy hormones is another thing entirely. Your grip on sanity, reasoning, calmness and patience just disintegrate. And crying, confusion and rage become normal.

Do you know what it’s like to start sobbing hysterically in a cafe because they don’t have decaffeinated tea? Or to have hot tears slide down your red face in the middle of a business meeting?

Or the sheer frustration at the uncontrollable leakage in the middle of a mild disagreement (usually with your partner), thus instantly removing your upper hand?

Confusion, forgetfulness, memory-loss…all great hormonal bedfellows. When pregnant you can actually feel your mind slowing down, midsentence.

Sometimes I feel like I’ve lost 50% of my vocabulary capacity and I regularly get overwhelmed having to make a decision about what to eat for dinner.

Then there’s rage – rage at everything. There’s no biscuits in the house! RAGE! Room to Improve didn’t record properly! RAGE! You haven’t change for the parking! FURIOUS RAGE!

You become fixated, obsessive about things you may never have previously noticed – a stain on the carpet, the price of a Dairy Milk, the number of times ‘Shout Out To My Ex’ is played on the radio.

I really did not understand what was happening to my mind until I started talking to my pregnant friends and new mums. All of a sudden, the stories came flooding out. Your partner becomes a constant source of irritation, even while massaging your feet.

You could easily slap a colleague for making a joke about a ‘wide-load coming through’. A sales assistant looking at you the (perceived) wrong way could cause a tantrum on the shop floor.

So, some things to help calm you down and nourish yourself. One thing I don’t mind people telling me is that you really need to look after yourself when you’re pregnant — I didn’t really pay attention to it until later on it the pregnancy, but it is critical.

You need somewhere just for you, where you can slow down, de-stress and try and re- centre yourself.

Get your hair done. Get a pedicure. Book a massage. Chow down on an extra slice of cake. You have to be kind to yourself when you can because you literally just don’t know when you’re next going to lose your marbles.

Massage, yoga, pilates — key. I cannot recommend the Ante-Natal classes in the Elbow Room enough. If ever you needed to be surrounded by ‘your people’ this is it. Crying is strictly encouraged! The Elbow Room is reasonably near the Coombe and the Rotunda, so two birds, one stone.

The Form School also does specific ante-natal Pilates and is conveniently located near Holles Street.

Also, explain to all your nearest and dearest that you need to be handled with kid gloves at times and that you don’t mean to be such a whirling, dervish of emotion and craziness all the time, but it’s not you, it’s the hormones.

And if there’s one thing I can really help you with – I feel you. You are crazy, yes. But you are not alone. And you won’t be crazy forever. Unless you are just crazy. Then I can’t help you.