HIS DISRUPTIVE BEHAVIOUR IS RUINING OUR LIVES

My wife and I have a near perfect set-up. Three wonderful children, lots of grandchildren and no worries – except for one. Our son’s wife has two children; his stepdaughter is lovely, but his 13-year-old stepson has real problems. He steals money from his parents, biological grandparents and former schoolfriends. As a result, his grandparents won’t have him to stay any more and he doesn’t have any friends left. At school, he is disruptive – shouting and swearing to the extent that he has a full-time minder and is put in isolation. He has now developed an awful habit of defecating and hiding the contents all around his bedroom. As a result, the house has a foul smell. Special schools and accommodation have been recommended, but we are told there is no room for him and no funds to pay for any treatment. With the onset of puberty, his actions are becoming more aggressive. His biological father was physically and emotionally abusive. How can we get further help, as opposed to talking to people who listen and make all the right noises, but leave the situation to wither on the vine? I am so sorry. His behaviour does sound disturbed, which must be deeply concerning and stressful for all the family. I have spoken at length to the children’s department of the social services in your son’s area and they suggest that either your daughter-in-law or son talk to them directly and they will see how they can help. Also, your daughter-in-law should ask the GP for a referral to their local Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS), so that he can be assessed by a psychiatrist or educational psychologist for autism or mental health problems and get further help. If the school has not already done so, it should also contact children’s services and CAMHS to see whether your stepgrandson should move to a special school. Funding should be available for this and children’s services can advise you. His behaviour could also be affected by the fact that his biological father was physically and mentally abusive.