SHE NO LONGER HAS TIME FOR ME

Twenty years ago, my wife and I left our then spouses to be together. We went abroad for six months, leaving our jobs and children – selfish, I know. We told ourselves that we needed to make a fresh start and our bond grew. We returned and got new jobs and my wife got back in touch with her children, though they continued to live with their father – mainly for practical reasons. Her children are now married and have families of their own. I no longer feel important to her as she spends so much time with her children and grandchildren. We seem like brother and sister and don’t make love any more. I feel taken for granted. It’s got to the stage where I want to go out and find female company, but have resisted so far because, really, I just want to get through to my wife. It is sad that, having given up so much to be together (and, yes, probably caused a great deal of pain), you are now spending so little time with one another and are no longer making love. It is understandable that your wife enjoys being with her children and grandchildren so much. Perhaps, though, she is spending a little too much time with them because she feels guilty about abandoning them previously, and is trying to make up for past mistakes. You don’t mention your own children at all. I wonder if perhaps they refuse to have contact with you because too much damage has been done? If so, could you write to them and say how sorry you are for the past and that you would like to rebuild your relationship with them? Talk to your wife about all of this and, if nothing changes, have joint counselling with Accord (accord.ie) to see if you can recapture the loving and sexual relationship you once had.