I’VE CHANGED INTO SOMEONE I DON’T LIKE

I am 24 and unhappy with the person I have become. I can’t seem to keep friends and my relationship with my boyfriend is so up and down that I fear I may be alone for the rest of my life. I am a teacher and work very long hours, which puts a strain on me, my relationship and friendships as I am so stressed. I have suffered from anxiety in the past and feel as though it has changed my personality. I am constantly analysing whether people like me or not. I feel jealous of how close my friends are to each other and think they find it awkward to be around me, which makes me distance myself from them, but I hate my own company and want to be around people. Why do I act like this? Am I a horrible person? I used to be confident. There doesn’t seem to be a significant event that has triggered this. It sounds as though your job has become so stressful that it has knocked your confidence and self-esteem. So when you are with other people, you withdraw into yourself. Your friends perhaps misinterpret your behaviour and think you are not interested in being with or talking to them, when in fact the opposite is true. Or it may be that you come across as needy because you are feeling insecure and perhaps unloved. When people are stressed, often they can be snappy or argumentative, too, without realising it. It is a demanding job, but maybe you are working longer hours than you need to because you are so worried. Is there anyone at work who you trust and could talk to? It’s a vicious cycle because, as you are constantly analysing whether people like you or not, you may be guarded or perhaps act unnaturally, as you are so anxious about making a good impression. So try to stop worrying about this and be yourself. It doesn’t matter if people like you – some will and some won’t. It’s whether you like them – and yourself – that counts! Have counselling to work on reducing your stress and help you believe in yourself more. You are a lovely person. Try the Irish Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy’s (irishcounselling.ie) to find a counsellor in your area.