DEAR ZELDA Your problems answered
Our relationships expert Zelda West-Meads answers your questions
I CAN’T CHOOSE BETWEEN MY BOYFRIEND AND MY FIRST LOVE
I am 21 and was with my first love for five years. We had a wonderful relationship. He was quite possessive, but he was there for me through thick and thin. Then we began arguing and I snapped at everything he said. I ended up kissing someone else. We split up, but he is still there for me no matter what. I never thought that I would find anyone as good as him, but I have. My new boyfriend is amazing and treats me well. I think he is the one and I can see us getting married. We are going travelling together next year. I met up with my ex as we are still friends, but we kissed. I told my current boyfriend and he was extremely hurt, but got over it and we are as happy as ever. My ex told me to fight for my relationship with this new man. I know that my new boyfriend is the best thing for me, but I can’t seem to fully let go of my ex. When I saw him recently, my heart leapt and my legs went numb. I don’t know what to do. Can you be in love with two people at once? I think it is possible to love two people at the same time, but probably not to be deeply in love with both of them. You have said how much your first boyfriend was always there for you, so perhaps you were going through a lot of stress. Maybe there were family problems and you felt that your parents were not supportive, so you turned to your boyfriend. This, and the fact that he was your first love, could be why it’s difficult to break that addiction. But remember his possessiveness and the arguments that led you to split up, even though you still find him attractive. Despite kissing you, he encouraged you to concentrate on your new boyfriend which suggests that he has moved on. You might still be friends in the future, but for now you need to put some distance between you. Enjoy the new man and if, after travelling, you both feel the same way then you could perhaps get married. You are still only 21, so give yourself time to see whether you are right for each other.