I’VE NEVER FOUND SEX PLEASURABLE

I have never enjoyed sex. Even in the early days, I found it a chore and gradually began to dread it. There seems to be a conspiracy in which everyone says that sex has to be wonderful, and that if women do not enjoy it they are abnormal and should see a doctor – or that they should spice up their sex lives and tell their partners what they do enjoy. But it is not abnormal, an illness or necessarily about any lack of skill on their partner’s part. I have had loving relationships and my disinterest in sexual pleasure is no reflection on my partners, or my love for them. It’s simply how I am – I don’t enjoy sex. Is it OK to prefer a snuggle? Unless your previous partners also did not enjoy making love, then having to settle for just a cuddle – or being with someone who was enduring sex rather than enjoying it – may have been difficult for them. Maybe this is not the case for you, but a lot of women don’t want to make love because their relationship is going through a difficult time, or they do not feel emotionally close to their partner and so no longer sexually desire them. Sometimes it can be for more physical rather than emotional reasons, such as hormonal changes during the menopause or low testosterone. It can even be a result of negative attitudes from childhood – perhaps sex was never talked about or was portrayed as ‘dirty’ and wrong, or something that women did not enjoy. This early indoctrination can live on into adulthood. It is rare to be completely asexual, but not unheard of. According to research, people who are asexual can enjoy romantic relationships, but don’t want them to go further.