SHE’S FALLEN OUT OF LOVE WITH ME

I fell in love with my best friend’s girlfriend half a lifetime ago. We got married and had three children. She is my first, last and only love. She used to feel the same about me, but not any more. I work six nights a week to support my family while she works days, so we only see each other on Sundays. Love is not just about sex, it’s about being close to each other – but I feel rejected by her as she doesn’t seem to want us to do anything together. I have tried to suggest joint interests but she just says, ‘Not my thing.’ She can’t see that I am still in love with the sweet girl of 16 that I met all those years ago. Life without her wouldn’t be worth living. I know I am a stupid, middle-aged fool. No you are not, but I am concerned that you are feeling suicidal so please contact the Samaritans (samaritans.org, 116 123). You need to be there for your children, even if the marriage doesn’t survive. I am sorry you are in so much pain over the woman you love. One of the hardest things a relationship can go through is one partner being in love and the other not returning those feelings. Sadly, it sounds as though this may be the situation with your wife and she is rejecting your desire to be close again. Try to talk to her about why she has fallen out of love with you and why she is dissatisfied with the marriage. If you were both able to make changes, it might bring back that ‘loving feeling’. Perhaps one of the problems is that you still see her as a sweet 16-year-old and haven’t truly embraced the mature and fully rounded woman that she has become. Have joint counselling with Accord (accord.ie) and if she won’t come along with you, go on your own as you need help and support right now.