HOW TO ‘POST’ YOUR GRIEF

AN EXTRACT FROM JEFF’S BOOK Social media has changed the way we grieve today. In my opinion, expressing your grief on Facebook or Twitter can – as long as it doesn’t become the only place of sanctuary – be a positive thing and part of how you manage it. It’s all about balance. Nothing, in my view, is a substitute for real-life interaction, but there are some benefits for posting what’s on your mind on social media. SOCIAL MEDIA AND ITS MANY SHORTCUTS A post on Facebook or Twitter can take the place of 50 or more conversations. You may have dreaded the thought of telling people over and over again about a death or how you are coping, but social media gives you the opportunity to tell people all at once. And posting tributes about your loved one can be very cathartic and allows a wide group of your friends and family to get to know them and share their memories. ONLINE GROUPS AND FORUMS One of the benefits of social media is that by posting or searching you can find others in a position similar to yours – those who have lost, say, a child or a parent – and these people can become your support and advice group. Nobody quite understands your loss better than those who have walked a mile in your shoes; being able to access them at the press of a button and share your feelings is invaluable. People make lasting friendships in online groups and forums because they have supported each other through incredibly tough times. SAY WHAT YOU MEAN Sharing your grief is a positive step but you should also look at why you have shared it and what your desired outcome is. While you could just be letting everyone know how you feel, you might also be crying for help, in which case you should state clearly in your post what it is you require or need, so that you get that help. ACCESS TO MEMORIES Social media can deliver archived pictures or posts from the past, precious memories that can cheer you up on a bad day. COMFORTING STORIES It can be uplifting when people from far and wide are able to share memories of your loved ones and you realise how many people cared for them. This is especially the case with children. I have set up an account for my boys so that invited people can post memories of their mum for them to read now and for the rest of their lives. SPECIAL OCCASIONS Mother’s Day, anniversaries, birthdays – any special occasion can hurt like hell, even after many years. On special days – or maybe just because you’re missing your loved one – you can take great comfort in typing a message just for them and sending it out into the great wide world. n This is an edited extract from The Grief Survival Guide: How to Navigate Loss and All That Comes With It by Jeff Brazier, published by Hodder & Stoughton, price €8.99