WILL I EVER REPAIR MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY SON?

Ten years ago, my wife left me for an ex-boyfriend and became abusive towards me. They married, but are now divorcing. For two years, she tried to stop me from seeing my sons of seven and three, but following a court order they spent three nights every fortnight and half of the school holidays with me. Then, when my eldest son began secondary school at 11, he stopped coming to see me. He is now 17. I’ve tried phoning, texting and messaging him on Facebook, but he has blocked me. I went back to court, but nothing changed. The last time I saw him was in 2013 when he came to my youngest son’s birthday party. He barely spoke to me. After sending birthday and Christmas presents with absolutely no response, I tried to put him out of my mind – but of course I couldn’t. My other son, who is now 13, is coming to live with me because of the turmoil of his mother’s divorce – we have always had a good relationship. I wonder if I will ever be reconciled with my eldest son. To lose contact with a child is heartbreaking, but please tell yourself that you have tried your hardest. Sadly, I suspect that your ex-wife might have turned him against you, which is wrong. Do you have any idea why she might have done this or if there is anything else that could have contributed to his rejection of you? Divorce is difficult enough for children, but the most important way to limit the damage is encouraging them to have a good relationship with both parents. I suggest that you write to your eldest son, tell him how much you love him and ask him why he does not want to see you. Explain that if you have done anything to upset him, how much you regret this – and that you would like the opportunity to say sorry and put it right. Also tell him that you will never give up hope that he might want to see you again one day. As he grows up, he may well change his mind and get in touch. For further support, contact One Family (onefamily.ie, 1890 662 212).