MY DAUGHTER HAS CUT ME OUT

When I left my first husband for the man I have been married to for the past 20 years, my children, who were then 21 and 18, chose to stay with their father, to whom they were close. Unfortunately, he died a few years ago. My children were devastated and I was forcefully told that I was not welcome at the funeral. My son has not spoken to me for 20 years. After a rocky start, I was able to rebuild a loving relationship with my daughter and, subsequently, my grandchildren. Then she suddenly stopped seeing me and now ignores all my calls, texts and Facebook messages. My husband is supportive and we still take my grandchildren out once a fortnight, but we are not allowed in their house. Should I keep trying with my daughter or cut my losses and walk away? It is terribly sad that now your daughter, as well as your son, wants little or nothing to do with you. It sounds as if your ex-husband was a loving and caring father – and children can find it hard to forgive a parent who leaves the marriage for someone else. Sometimes the parent who has been left is so hurt and angry that they try to turn the children against the other parent, but it doesn’t sound as though your ex-husband did this. It is hard to repair the relationship with your daughter if she is refusing to tell you why she no longer wants to see you. Perhaps she is close to her brother and seeing you is putting a strain on their relationship. Alternatively, did you argue when you last met or has anything changed in her life that might make her act differently? Don’t walk away, but write to her and tell her that you love her and are sorry if you have upset her, but that you will always be there if she needs you. Continue to see the grandchildren and I hope that, given time, she will want to have a relationship with you again.