DEAR ZELDA Your problems answered
Our relationships expert Zelda West-Meads answers your questions
I’VE BEEN SLEEPING WITH MY NEIGHBOUR’S SON
I am a 27-year-old gay man and currently going through a divorce after a six-year marriage. After the relationship ended, I began sleeping with the son of the couple who live next door to me. He is 20. I am good friends with my neighbours and his mum often comes round for coffee. Her son lives with his elder brother and she asked if he could stay with me while work is being done on his house. I think she is aware that her son could be gay, but has no idea that we are sleeping together. I am so confused and lonely. I like her son, but I’m not sure what I should do as I’m still feeling hurt from my divorce. My former partner has moved abroad and doesn’t speak to me any more – the only contact we have is through a solicitor. We still share a joint bank account and he transferred the house from his name to mine. Money is not an issue as he has left me well provided for. Your divorce has hit you hard. I am glad that your ex-partner has at least been generous financially, but the fact that he won’t speak to you must be difficult. Things have become complicated with your neighbour’s son, however. It may be a rebound relationship because you are lonely and confused, and this is not the wisest thing to do. It doesn’t sound as if you are in love or see a future with him – and he is rather young for that sort of commitment, anyway – so maybe you need to disentangle yourself. His parents could be upset if they discovered you were having sex with their son and might feel as though you’re taking advantage of him. (I would say the same thing if it was a heterosexual relationship with their daughter.) It could also have a detrimental effect on your friendship with them, which would be sad. So gently tell him that you are still trying to come to terms with your marriage ending and you don’t think that you should continue the relationship. Then give yourself time to recover properly from the divorce and try counselling with Accord (accord.ie) to help you to sort out your feelings.