I’M WORRIED ABOUT MY DAUGHTERS

My husband and I have always had a strong, solid marriage. Even when we faced bankruptcy, we survived the storm. He has always been a devoted father to our three fabulous, now adult children. However, I am worried about our two daughters. Our eldest daughter and her partner have a young son whom we adore. She wants to get married but even though her partner really loves her he does not want to make that commitment – so she feels she has no security. Our youngest daughter is insecure as she was fat and bullied as a child but she is stunning now and very bright. She plays hard to get and attracts high-octane boyfriends who fall madly in love with her but then she becomes very needy, feels worthless and it all ends in tears. When she embarks on a new relationship my anxiety reaches new heights. Her current boyfriend is telling her she is the love of his life one moment, then the next is accusing her of sleeping with every man in town. He also drinks. We are such a close family but despite being a positive person I feel I am drowning in stress. Because you and your husband have had such a strong marriage and have survived and flourished despite various problems, you may be subconsciously comparing your children’s relationships to yours and feel deeply stressed when they are not as good or as strong. This is perfectly understandable but not easy for you. Suggest to your eldest daughter that if her partner won’t marry, she should ask him to consult a solicitor together so they can draw up a financial agreement, just in case the relationship breaks down, especially as they have a son. Your youngest daughter sounds very insecure. She presents a confident side to potential partners but once they have fallen in love, her needy nature drives them away. So persuade her to have counselling with Accord (accord.ie) to work on her self-esteem. I hope this will help her to end her current relationship, which sounds toxic. Talk to your husband and hopefully you can support each other, but it might help you to have counselling too – and to make sure you build time into your life for things you enjoy, exercise and relaxation.