COVER STORY
TV presenter Elaine Crowley is about to turn 40 and, rather than balking at the idea, she’s embracing the milestone and says women who lie about their age are simply feeding misogyny
Elaine Crowley is turning 40 and the TV presenter is embracing it and looking forward to a new decade
Most women on approaching their 40th birthday panic and begin to question what they’ve done with their lives so far – and try to frantically plan for what they hope will be the next 40. But sitting back in a leather armchair in the plush lounge at the Dylan Hotel, Elaine Crowley appears to have mastered the art of calm. As the waiter approaches the still-39-year- old to drop off a cup of Americano coffee complete with a creamy head, he picks up an empty glass and playfully asks, ‘No smoky whiskey cocktails today?’ The calm is immediately drained from the TV3 presenter’s face as she turns a shade of puce. Only a week ago she sat in the same lounge planning her 40th birthday bash with a close friend and it turned into, well, ‘a bit of a late one’.
‘I’m 40 on August 18 and, you know what, I think I was more worried last year than I am now,’ she says when she finally stops giggling. ‘I think when I
➤ entered my 40th year it eased off a bit. I still get into a blind panic about it sometimes because of the expectations of things that you should have done. But you win some you lose some.
‘I don’t have kids and I don’t have a husband or a house and I am not very good at driving. But I do have my own TV show with my own name on it and some really good close friends so I can’t really give out too much.
‘I don’t really do the whole list thing. I used to have milestones when I was really young. Like when I was 20, I had things that I wanted to do before my 30s and I did them all really early. When I was 30 I didn’t have any real expectations but when I look at the last decade, it has just gone by in a heartbeat.
‘Sometimes I sit back and almost accuse myself of not having done much but actually I have done a huge amount. Ambition stops you appreciating what you have done. On paper, having my own chat show is absolutely amazing but when I was told I was getting it I didn’t really want it – I went absolutely blind with panic for about three months.
‘ Then I got on with it and did the show and now I love it. Sometimes I think my priorities are a***ways but 40 is seen as a halfway point in your life and I’m still here in one piece and that in itself is a miracle.’
Elaine has clearly made her peace with the turn of her fourth decade and, rather then getting bogged down counting wrinkles, is using this milestone as a form of empowerment. By speaking about her age, she’s taking ownership of it and believes that those friends and colleagues who lie about it need to get real.
‘I think it’s ridiculous not talking about your age,’ she says. ‘ There are people out there who were ten years older than me when I started working here and miraculously they have seem to have found some fountain of youth and are still the same age.
‘I think they are only feeding into the myth that older woman are redundant.
‘I don’t even consider myself older but there is this myth that you are past your shelf life at 40 and by lying about your age, you’re helping that myth. I have women on my panel who won’t say their age because they’re afraid it will wreck their career. By feeding into that we are just as bad as any misogyny that is thrown at us, which is also bulls**t.
‘I would much prefer to say this is my age and sure aren’t I looking well for it as opposed to looking like a shook 32-year- old.
‘ There are plenty of shook 38-year- olds in the business who have been 38 for a good while now and they would want to get a grip – their children are catching up with them!
‘Maybe I am stupid and someone will turn around to me one day and say you’re too old for the telly but I really don’t think that’s a problem any more. I saw a clip of myself on the TV news from ten years ago the other night and I initially felt sad because I looked so fresh-faced. But the more I thought about it, I realised I was miserable back then, I was a basket case and couldn’t do a live report to save my life.
‘With age comes confidence and there is a certain beauty in confidence.’
While there is great comfort and nostalgia attached to celebrating a landmark birthday, looking forward can be a scary process. But much like she did in her 30s, Elaine is refusing to make any lists or projections. If anything, when she reaches her next milestone she just hopes to be as happy and healthy as she is today.
Things like children and marriage are not frivolous things that can simply be jotted down on a wish-list.
‘Looking forward, I don’t have any list,’ she says. ‘I do have a bucket list for travel though, where I can go alone.
‘I have gone through loads of therapy and I know now that I’m lovely. I’ve put the self-loathing phase behind me. I’m fierce nice altogether and have my flaws but they’re not that bad.
‘When I was 30 there were things I always presumed I would have. Family and kids come hand-in-hand for me with a strong and stable relationship. I think it’s an incredibly selfish thing to do if I just want to have a child for myself like some accessory. I know people who have done that and I don’t think it does anyone any favours.
‘For me, I would need the full-time support of a partner because I believe it’s an incredibly difficult thing to do on your own. It just so happens I have never been in a relationship that has evolved into that avenue. If it was ever to happen for me now I would need a huge amount of intervention – fertility drugs and God knows what else.
‘At some stage you have to ask yourself is having kids the be-all and end-all for me? And I don’t think it is. This world is a messed-up place at the moment and you have to think long and hard about bringing a child into it. I don’t think I could do that on my own.
‘I look at my nieces and nephews now and I just worry about the world they’re facing into. So can you imagine me if I had children of my own? I could wrap them in cotton wool and never let them grow up but you can’t do that either. Plus my anxiety levels have been normal recently – with kids I can’t even imagine!’
Dating for most people in the modern world has become a quagmire of online matchmaking sites, blind dates and cheap hook-ups. When you are a celebrity, you also have to deal with sieving through wannabes who are only seeking a notch for their bed post. Has this put her off dating?
‘I would have said no a few years back but actually it was stupid of me to presume that because it does make a difference,’ Elaine admits. ‘You go out and people chat to you and the next thing you know, it’s blatantly obvious that the only interest they have in you is that you are the bird off the telly. That’s a bit icky and it does put you off the scene.
‘ That does wear off too. Like if I went out with a rich guy just for his money, after time the allure would wear off and I would have to accept their personality. You can’t have a relationship based on adulation. I wouldn’t be the most trusting of individuals anyway and I would keep anyone at arm’s length until I am completely sure about them.’
It was known that Elaine was in a relationship with a mystery suitor but they split early this year. All may not be lost on this front, however.
‘I was seeing someone for quite a while then we broke up after Christmas for six months but we are kind of in peace talks again,’ she reveals. ‘When you’re set in your ways you find it hard to compromise but we’re talking again, so who knows? All anyone wants is someone to love and to be loved equally in return.
‘It’s human nature to want to be in a happy partnership and it’s a distinct possibility for ➤
People chat to you but it’s blatantly obvious that the only interest they have in you is that you’re the bird off the telly. That’s icky
me. But I don’t think you can be in a successful open, nice relationship if you don’t have regard for yourself first. If you don’t think you are worth loving then you won’t find someone to love.
‘Historically that was the case for me. I had a façade up and I might have imagined myself in love but I really wasn’t because it was all really superficial. To let someone inside your head is a big deal and once I do that, I will be screwed altogether.
‘I will have to let the barriers down, which is difficult because I hurt really easily. I’m a tad vulnerable and being hurt takes a lot out of me but I’m getting there. This fellow is chipping away at me really slowly, like erosion of sand. Ultimately, if I’m honest, I’d love to be in a relationship that made me really happy, so here’s hoping.’
As we return to birthday plans, how does a TV chatterbox with her own daytime TV talk show celebrate such an event? Why with an Elaine Crowley birthday bonanza of course.
‘ The party is more of a birthday festival,’ she laughs. ‘ Two weekends ago they had a mini-festival for me at home in Cork. It was supposed to be a surprise but my niece let the cat out of the bag. They had a barn dance with a portable pub and a DJ with all my friends, which was amazing.
‘ Then next week I’m going back to the scene of my 30th at the suite in Krystal. I haven’t been there for years – back then the Celtic tiger was roaring away and the Irish rugby team were in there getting pissed, and I was young and thin. It’ll be the craic and a free-for-all with dodgy 2000s music and I will be dying for weeks after it.’
Who knows, there might even be a smoky whiskey cocktail or two...
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I hurt really easily, I’m a tad vulnerable and being hurt takes a lot out of me but I’m getting there