My husband always criticises me

I don’t know how to deal with my husband of 40 years. He has changed so much. He has always been loving, but now he is critical of me and our adult children. He often misplaces things and is argumentative with everyone. I know that it might be ageing, but it could be something worse such as dementia. He wants us to be together all the time – we have never been that type of couple. He rounds on me for trivial things and I don’t know how to respond to his snide remarks. I know that we should talk, but his logic has gone out of the window and rational conversation is impossible. I go along with it for a quiet life. My father was a bully, too. I don’t want to go into my later years feeling nervous and resentful. I am ten years younger than my husband, I have friends and take part in activities. Leaving isn’t an option, but if he had been like this earlier, I would have left him. I am sorry – this is an upsetting situation for you. This distressing change in your husband suggests depression, but it is more likely that he is developing dementia. It is important that he sees his doctor and that you go with him. The GP will carry out the initial physical and cognitive tests. He may then be referred to a consultant and a memory clinic where they can diagnose if it is dementia and, if appropriate, prescribe medication. You can also get advice on what further help is available, such as carers coming into the home or perhaps your husband going to a day centre to give you a break. It is not easy to cope with someone like this as they are often in denial and don’t realise how difficult they have become. Remember that he is probably ill and try not to feel that it is an attack on you. Contact the Alzheimer Society of Ireland (alzheimer.ie, 1800 341 341), which will support you, talk through your options and explore ways of coping and strategies for care.