WHY MY LINGERIE HABIT HAS BEEN A LEARNING CURVE...
‘IN FASHION, you pay for your errors in time and money. Investing in a jacket or dress on a whim of fancy however, is not quite a disaster if you change your mind— simply keep your receipt, take it back and forget the whole experience. But buyer beware - there is one exception to this rule. Lingerie.
This is one mistake I’m afraid that you are stuck with, and it’s taken me almost two decades to realise it. For some reason, I acquire ridiculously aspirational notions as soon as I step foot into an underwear store. I am, what one might call, a slave to buying inappropriate lingerie. Before you start thinking all sorts, I say inappropriate in the sense that it is rarely suitable for my shape. I’m a 32E cup and take a size eight in trousers and skirts, so I’m an impossible fit. And as anyone who carries the burden of a bigger chest will attest, the nicest lingerie sets are often reserved for those who are blessed with symmetrical - and petite shapes. If your curves are more Kate Moss than Kelly Brook, chances are you’ll have no problems hunting down that perfect little festive negligee or teddy. Alas, the majority of us whose cups runneth over face an unsatisfying hunt for a matching ensemble that supports and moulds our shapes. This issue was highlighted for me while watching the annual Victoria’s Secret’s spectacle in Shanghai recently.
As beautiful and well executed as this show is every year, the barrage of glossy images of pencil-thin models in flimsy swathes of fabric make it pretty difficult for women with real curves to escape the contrived idealism of what we should be wearing to bed. Taking into account the rigorous training and disciplined diets these Angels undertake in preparation for the show (veteran model Adriana Lima once infamously admitted to cutting out solid food nine days before she hits the catwalk), is it any wonder their stomachs are concave? Clearly, most of the store’s designs are created for super-slender bodies, who don’t need to be pushed up or reeled in.
Certainly, they are ruling out most of the over-40s market (except for perhaps Cameron Diaz), who need a little more scaffolding in bigger sizes. Just a little heads up before you journey into the new flagship store on Grafton Street in the hope of buying Christmas gifts for yourself this weekend. Thankfully, we have stores like Arnotts, Debenhams, Next and Marks & Spencer (I love the latter’s new collections - see main image, right) who design and house lingerie brands with larger busts in mind. As for me, I feel as if I am almost ready to leave my dreams of gem encrusted cups behind. Have I made peace with the fact that I’ll never be able to wear slinky teddies without serious back pain? Yes, mostly,. What I have most definitely learned is that the catwalk is rarely in line (or in love) with what Mother Nature gave us.
“FOR SOME REASON, I ACQUIRE RIDICULOUS NOTIONS WHEN I TRY ON LINGERIE”