I blame myself for her disability

Our beautiful three-year-old daughter has recently been diagnosed with a rare chromosome disorder that causes learning difficulties. We had no inkling of this until she started nursery school – she was such a perfect baby. I feel useless and I am overwhelmed with guilt that I had a baby late in life – 46 – and landed her with a disability. I am angry that this has happened because I do not drink, smoke or do drugs. My first husband did not want children and I did not meet Mr Right until years later. He is a wonderful father and an amazing husband. We are doing everything in our power to help our daughter. I also worry about when I get too old to look after her. You hear horrible stories about how the elderly and disabled are exploited. Because I can’t cure her, it is such a burden. Sometimes I feel guilty for wishing that my daughter had not been born. How can I feel like that when I love her so much? My practical side tells me to live for today. Why doesn’t my heart listen to my head? Sadly, guilt is weighing you down, but none of this is your fault – it is just incredibly unlucky. According to the charity Unique, which supports those affected by rare chromosome disorders, they can happen whatever the age of the parents or can be inherited. It is difficult because for three years you thought that you had a healthy child. You adored your daughter and revelled in parenthood; now you are worried because you are looking at a different future for her than the one you had envisaged. You are probably still reeling from shock and struggling to adjust. Wishing that she had never been born is not because you don’t love her – you clearly do. You love her so much and only want the best for her. You may feel that if you had known she was going to be disabled, you might not have gone ahead with the pregnancy. This is hard for you and your husband, but you are both giving her so much. Please contact Enable Ireland (enableireland.ie) for further support.