My husband makes me feel stupid

My husband and I have been married for 26 years and when things are good between us, it is great. However, he has always been difficult and I feel as though I am walking on eggshells. Unless it’s his decision, nothing is right, and if he doesn’t get his own way he sulks and blames me. If I try to talk to him, he rolls his eyes. When I talk to other people, he ridicules me and makes me feel stupid. Years ago, I told him I was depressed and he mockingly mimed playing the violin. Five years ago, he told me he had become impotent because I always rejected him. I have never had a great sex drive, but I did enjoy sex with him. He refuses to get help. I recently had a panic attack when we were out and he just turned away and a stranger helped me. I can’t do this any longer. I feel rejected, unwanted and unloved. It sounds as though you have been in an unhappy marriage for years with only brief interludes when your husband treats you nicely. He is controlling, unkind and demeaning. He appears so self-focused that I wonder if he is narcissistic. Some of the main characteristics are arrogance, self-importance, an intense need for admiration and a lack of empathy. Interestingly, 50 to 75 per cent of people diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder are men. It would also explain why he blames his impotence on you. It is not easy to treat, but long-term counselling with a psychotherapist can be beneficial. However, he would have to accept that he needs help and that may not happen. You would probably be happier if you ended the marriage. It will not be easy because he has controlled you for years. I hope that your family will support you. Contact the Law Society of Ireland (lawsociety.ie, 01 672 4800) to find a divorce solicitor near you. Get in touch with Your Mental Health (yourmentalhealth.ie) for more advice and support about anxiety disorders, panic attacks, phobias and obsessive compulsive disorder.