What is wrong with our sex life?


We have been mar­ried for just over a year and my hus­band gives me lots of kisses and cud­dles and tells me that he loves me. But there is a prob­lem with sex. I love mak­ing love, but I al­ways have to make the first move and though I am or­gas­mic, he never is. He in­sists that it is his fault, but I feel so re­jected. I un­der­stand, but try not to feel re­jected. He loves you and it sounds as though he has a prob­lem, which has noth­ing to do with you or your re­la­tion­ship. Re­tarded ejac­u­la­tion is the third most com­mon sex prob­lem for men af­ter im­po­tence and pre­ma­ture ejac­u­la­tion. There can be phys­i­cal rea­sons such as low testosterone or it could be ret­ro­grade ejac­u­la­tion where the se­men goes back into the blad­der rather than out of the pe­nis. So he should see his GP first. It could also be a psy­cho­log­i­cal prob­lem. Some­times men find it dif­fi­cult to let go be­cause they have had an ex­tremely strict up­bring­ing or are very con­trolled in their lives. It can then be­come a self-ful­fill­ing prophecy as they fear it’s go­ing to hap­pen and their fear is re­alised. Some men also find it dif­fi­cult to ejac­u­late through sex­ual in­ter­course be­cause they need firm stim­u­la­tion to the pe­nis. You could try oral sex. Is he or­gas­mic when he mas­tur­bates? Dis­cuss all of this with him and ask him to con­sider psy­cho­sex­ual ther­apy with the Ir­ish Fam­ily Plan­ning As­so­ci­a­tion (ifpa.ie). I am as­sum­ing that he is not gay?

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