I think I’m being abused by my mother

I am a 16-year-old girl and I work hard at school. I care greatly about pleasing my mother who has always pushed me. I want to become more independent, but she is paranoid. When I disagree with her, she makes my life hell. I know that she loves me and 60 per cent of the time she is caring and lovely, but she can also be overprotective and it is stifling. When she is angry, she is terrifying and won’t stop screaming. There is nothing that my father, brother and I can say to stop her. My father is passive throughout our arguments and my brother gets upset. When she stops screaming, she cries and says, ‘I’m a horrible mother’, which makes me feel so guilty that I forgive her. When I told her that I had a boyfriend, she screamed and told me that I was going to be sexually assaulted. Am I being abused? Your mother’s behaviour when she starts screaming at you is abusive and unacceptable. It is important to know that you are not to blame. It takes time to realise that you are a victim of abuse. It is distressing for the whole family and you should get help. Talk to your father or your grandparents and say that you need their assistance. Underneath your mother’s anger, there is a great deal of anxiety; it may be to do with her past experiences. However, she might have a mental health problem and your father needs to get involved and make her address this possibility. He should encourage her to see her GP for a referral for psychological or psychiatric help. You could also get in touch with Mental Health Ireland (mentalhealth ireland.ie, 01 284 1166) for advice and support. I am concerned about you so please contact Barnardos (barnardos.ie, 1850 222 300), which has a counselling service for young people, or speak to your school counsellor.