He is married with a secret love child

I am 43 and single. For several years I have longed for a partner and a child. Then six months ago, I met a lovely 58-year-old man with three children in their 20s. His marriage has been loveless for many years and they have agreed to separate when their youngest child leaves home. We had a wonderful affair and talked about the future and having a child. Then he told me that he has a secret five-year-old love child, who he sees once a week. He wants to tell his wife and children, but is fearful of the trauma that it will cause. I started to panic. What if I couldn’t have my own child with him, but had to deal with him spending time with his love child? So I ended it, but now we are seeing each other again. I feel extremely close to him, but I am not sure how I would cope with his difficult personal life and my body clock going off like an alarm. I did freeze my eggs six years ago. I am seeing a counsellor, but I am not clear about anything. I am sorry to say this, but I don’t think that this man is as lovely as you think he is. If he already has a love child, he has obviously had one affair before you (which didn’t work out). How can you be sure that there haven’t been any more? Even if he did leave his wife, the chances are that he wouldn’t be faithful to you either. On top of this, because he hasn’t had the courage to tell his wife about his love child, he is not being fair on her or his child. Imagine how this child will feel, growing up and always being kept a secret? He or she might feel as though they are a disgrace and someone their father is ashamed of. It does not say much for this man if he is prepared to let his own child think this. You need to end this affair before you get badly hurt. I hope that you will find someone else to love, but I fear that getting pregnant may be difficult in your early 40s, so you should continue with counselling to help you come to terms with this possibility.