We don’t spend time together

My husband and I were childhood sweethearts and we have been married for 27 years. However, these days he is always in the pub and doesn’t spend much time with me at weekends. I have told him how I feel disappointed that he spends so little time with me, but nothing changes. Our children are adults and we have grandchildren, too. It should be our time together now. I suggested that we surprise each other and visit different places, but it didn’t last. I feel so lonely. Sadly, your husband is being unfair and insensitive. One of the joys of a marriage in later years should be spending time together. When you are both working and bringing up a family, it can be hard to find time for just the two of you. Even though it can be difficult to adjust when the children leave home, it does give you the opportunity to do much more together and even renew your relationship, which might have run into difficulties. Of course, it is important to have your own interests and friends, but you should also do things together. I wonder how happy your marriage has been over the years. Unfortunately, you have to ask your husband a difficult question – does he still love you and want to be with you? If he says that he does, then explain to him how lonely you are and that you need things to change, otherwise you are not sure you can stay together. Ask him to come to counselling with you and contact the Family Therapy Association of Ireland (familytherapyireland.com, 01 272 2105) to find the right therapist. If he refuses, go alone so that you can decide what you want to do.