I’m not sure if I want to marry him

I am 32 and have worked extremely hard to pick up the pieces after my failed marriage and better myself personally and professionally. Two years ago, I met a nice man who quickly made it clear that he was in love with me and wanted to get married. I was caught up in the excitement of the relationship so I agreed and we got engaged. He now wants to set a date for our wedding. We haven’t discussed this before, as I have been doing another degree to facilitate a career change. I now find myself panicking. He is wonderful and I love him, but I am not sure about marriage. I went through a rough divorce and never saw myself marrying again. I told him this and he says that he will wait as long as I need. I can’t help feeling that he isn’t the one and he deserves someone who would marry him tomorrow, but I would be upset to lose him. There are two possibilities here. Either you are not as deeply in love with your partner as he is with you or you are holding on to him because you know from your acrimonious divorce that he is safe and will treat you well. He could be the one for you, but because you were so badly hurt by your ex-husband, you are terrified of going down that road again. You should think about what you want from a relationship, what you have and what you feel is missing. Are you emotionally close? Do you have shared interests and similar hopes for the future? Are you intellectually suited? Do you both want children? Do you find him attractive and is making love really good? It is important to sort out your reasons for your hesitation and you might want to have relationship counselling together to help you make a decision.