ON THE COVER: CASSIE STOKES

Xposé presenter Cassie Stokes has big plans – proposing to her girlfriend, deciding how many children they’ll have and forging ahead with her career. But there’s one thing she’d like more than anything else...

The TV presenter on marriage, children and everybody just getting along.

Karen Koster is on maternity leave, Glenda Gilson is pregnant so naturally TV3’s third Xposé presenter Cassie Stokes is fielding jokes from her colleagues. ‘They’re all like, “Cassie, stay away from the water!” I’m like, “I don’t think that water works on lesbians!”’ she laughs when we meet this week in a Dublin hotel, just days after both the Pride festival and TV3’s snazzy Virgin Media relaunch.

Cassie, 31, from Dundrum, south Dublin, and her Canadian partner Kathleen Gauvin do want to get married and have a family though, and have already decided who will propose.

‘It’s going to be me because I feel like Kathleen is always waiting for me forever because I take so long to get ready,’ she quips. ‘This will be one thing that she won’t have to wait for me to do when we are ready to do it.’ When might that be? ‘Right now all my friends are getting engaged and married. I don’t really want to slot into all of that. I don’t do things conventionally so it will definitely be after they’re all finished, probably. We’ll be 60,’ she laughs.

‘It’s definitely on the cards. I’d be lucky if we got married one day and I hope we will.’

From very early on in their relationship they have talked about having children too. ‘Oh definitely. Get married, have a family, definitely on the cards. We’re just lucky that it can’t happen accidentally, we can plan it and wait for the right time. When we’re comfortable and we’ve enjoyed going to New York enough times – because I don’t think we’ll be going to New York as often when we have the kids. We go to New York for two or three days and we’re exhausted the whole week after so I can’t imagine doing that. So as soon as we get our visits to New York over with then we’ll have them afterwards!’ Both women are keen to ➤

“PRIDE FOR ME IS ABOUT CELEBRATING WITH MY FAMILY AND PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN SUPPORTIVE”

experience pregnancy and birth. ‘Initially when we were first together we thought, “We should have a baby at the same time!” And then we realised women are crazy and there are way too many hormones there and that is never going to happen. That quickly went out the door as soon as we lived together for a while,’ she deadpans. ‘I would love to have one if I can, if I’m lucky enough. And Kathleen would love to as well. And I think we would adopt as well. The ideal is three kids and adopt one. But, like I said, we’re lucky we can choose the time for this to happen – you can’t accidentally adopt a kid.’

She and Kathleen met five years ago during the Pride festival in Toronto, where Cassie was living at the time, working on TV show Entertainment Tonight Canada. She had moved there in 2012 from her job presenting FYI on TV3. Everyone told her she was mad to leave that gig in the middle of a recession but Cassie was restless. She took off on a solo adventure to Canada because she ‘has the passport’, having lived there from the age of one for ten years. When she moved there for a second time, aged 25, Cassie did not know she was gay.

‘Now I look back and think, “That was probably a gay thought” but back then I didn’t know,’ she explains. ‘When I went to Canada I was completely on my own and I made new friends. Some of these people were very open and the situation happened,’ she says, of her first gay experience. ‘It definitely was hard to come back here and tell people.

‘I was 25. I thought I was one of the later ones to come out but actually the more people I know now, around 33 seems to be an age.’

Her family and friends were ‘very surprised but so supportive’. Their surprise may have been because growing up, Cassie – who attended exclusive Mount Anville secondary school – had ‘loads of boyfriends. Like, rugby-playing boyfriends! They were lovely and they were great and I still see them and I still get on really well with them. It wasn’t like I was gay when I was with them. I think some people found that hard to understand. I was into them as far as I knew. Now I’m kind of like, maybe I wasn’t. But back then I thought I was. That’s life, isn’t it?’

But after four years in Canada, during which time she met and fell in love with Kathleen, Cassie became desperately homesick. She briefly moved to London and a job in digital production to be closer to her family in Dublin – and she and Kathleen split up. Then Cassie got the job on Xposé in 2016, filling in for Karen Koster while she was on maternity leave. She began flying over and back to Toronto ‘trying to get Kathleen back’. After being apart for over a year, the women were reunited, and Kathleen agreed to move to Dublin.

‘She took a big step up in her career coming here so you’re welcome Kathleen,’ she chuckles, of her other half’s work in insurance. ‘She does love it here. She works with the French team so she’s back and forth between Paris and here.

‘She’s fluent in French as she grew up speaking French but she doesn’t have a French accent. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing! Her parents are both French Canadian; I have to speak French to her mum.’

Cassie’s Instagram page is full of loving pictures of the couple. In a recent post the pair of gorgeous, leggy blondes are standing on Grafton Street, draped in the rainbow flag.

‘I think everybody got on board with Pride this year, which is great. I actually didn’t go to the parade. Pride for me is just about celebrating with my family and people who have been very good to me and supportive to me. It’s great, Pride is lovely, but there are people who went through a difficult time when they were coming out and things like that.’

There has been huge growth in support of the Pride festival, particularly since the 2015 marriage equality referendum. For example, members of the Defence Forces participated, for the first time in uniform, in last Saturday’s parade.

‘Bringing something to the mainstream is helping so many people,’ says Cassie. ‘It’s kind of evolving in the way that it is in Toronto; it’s predominantly straight people at Pride in Toronto, which is brilliant. There used to be a conversation where you’d ask someone, “Are you going to Pride this weekend?” And they’d be like, “Well, no, I’m straight.” And you’re like, “That’s not what it’s about.” Because it’s about inclusion.’

You get the sense from Cassie that there are still rivers to cross before the gay community feels fully accepted, until no one bats an eyelid. ‘An English friend of mine who came here for Pride met an Irish person who didn’t know she was gay. He said the parade was “shoving it in your face”. She called him out on it straight away.’

Cassie has also had emails from people saying they are still afraid to come out to their colleagues. ‘That’s just unbelievable because I think every company in Ireland was on board for Pride this year. To think there are probably people working within those companies and who still don’t feel comfortable telling their colleagues... Those are the kinds of issues we need to start talking about,’ she says.

‘I do get it, listen, it’s hard. Anyone who is gay and open about it, it’s not easy. Still when myself and Kathleen walk down the street holding hands sometimes it’s a little difficult. You are making a stance and you’re making a statement every time you hold hands. Luckily we’re at the stage in Ireland where, if anyone said anything to me, I’m so over it,’ she insists.

‘But it must be hard for people who aren’t as comfortable as I am. Every time I see a gay couple holding hands I think, well done, because that’s taking a stance. And a young gay person might see that and just be more comfortable about themselves.’

Likewise a young gay woman tuning into Xposé every evening might be inspired by Cassie. ‘A gay role model? I mean, that’s amazing. I wouldn’t be calling myself a gay role model, but in some ways I would hope to help people to be accepting. Even people who are straight and who are, say, from a small town or something like that, where they might have bullied that [gay] person before. Maybe they’ll see another side to it.’

Cassie realises that her very visibility is making a difference. ‘I am very open about it and I have had responses from people that say it does help them. When I was just coming out I don’t think I was as open but that’s just because you want everyone around you to be okay with it. I’ve had amazing support from family and friends so maybe that helps as well.’

When Cassie was growing up, there were no openly lesbian broadcasters on TV, for example.

‘I can say I didn’t really have a role model. I mean, I think I started to look up to Amber Heard when I was around 25,’ she says, of actor Johnny Depp’s ex-wife. ‘She had a girlfriend at the time, an artist called Tasya Van Ree. She’s so gorgeous and cool and nice. I just thought, wow, what an inspiration. I guess I wonder if I had had someone to look up to that I could relate to a little bit but I didn’t have anything like that. I didn’t think the way I was thinking was because I was gay. But, yeah, I always want to be open about it.’

But she is quick to point out that her Instagram page is just edited highlights of life

“WE DO HAVE A GREAT LAUGH TOGETHER AND OPPOSITES ATTRACT SO SOMEHOW IT WORKS”

with Kathleen. In the real world, things are not always so picture-perfect.

‘I think the only thing that’s similar about us is that we have blonde hair and, at the moment, bad roots,’ she jokes. ‘Kathleen is very organised, has her head well screwed on, knows exactly what she wants; I’m kind of organised. But then I’m much more spontaneous than Kathleen; she would be happy to kind of settle somewhere. We do have a great laugh together and opposites attract, so we complement each other and somehow it works. Like, we fight, don’t get me wrong, there will be some days when we won’t like each other at all, which is completely fine.’

Cassie has had no social media trolling, except, she says, from men commenting on her breasts. ‘I don’t think that’s a reason to hide them but I do get those kind of comments a lot. I’ve started calling people out for it now, like, “Don’t send those kinds of messages because it’s intimidating”. I’m a human, I have a decent-sized pair of boobs and that’s the way it is. I have hid the boobs for the longest time and I’ve come to a place where I’m not doing that any more. I used to put on a dress or something and I’d say, “Is it too booby?” And my friends would say, “Yeah, it’s a bit too booby”. Now I’m like, that’s what I have, I don’t care, it’s who I am.’

Most of the time she’s too preoccupied to think about trolls. ‘Xposé is one of those jobs that consistently stays busy. I think they’re getting someone else – I hope they’re getting someone else!’ she laughs, of when Glenda is on maternity leave in October. ‘It’s so great to be part of a company that’s doing big, huge launches and has exciting news and developments. I’ve worked there since I was 19, since it was TV3 and now it’s going to be Virgin Media One. I mean, you have to praise them for the huge shows they put on like Ireland’s Got Talent which did so well this year. I think they’ve got so much more shows like that in the pipeline so it’s an exciting place to be.’

Life on the homefront is good too. Cassie hopes she and Kathleen stay in Dublin, though she does mention that fertility treatment in Canada is free. For now the pair are happy to concentrate on co-parenting their Bichon, Finn.

‘Am I more comfortable with myself now than I’ve ever been? Yes. Would I want to be 25 and uncomfortable again? No. You grow, you have experiences, they make you a more compassionate person.

‘There are tough days and everyone goes through them. But in general I try to be happy.’