I’m tempted to have an affair

My husband and I are in our mid-40s and have been married for 20 years. We get on very well and he has always been kind and supportive, especially with our two children who are now in their late teens. Occasionally, sex has been good, but a lot of the time I have felt that he doesn’t want to touch and kiss and it is often rather hurried. A few years ago he told me that he would like to have sex with another man, but still wanted to stay married. I am very attracted to one of our neighbours and he says he feels the same about me. I am very tempted to have an affair but we are both married. The temptation is understandable but secret affairs can lead you into very choppy waters. Your husband might not mind, given the circumstances, but it could wreck your neighbour’s marriage. What you really need to do is talk openly to your husband about whether you both want to stay married. Ask him if he actually fancies you at all or whether he is gay – it sounds to me as though he might be. He should have told you this before you married so you had a choice about whether or not to stay together. I expect he wanted children but this is not fair on you. You could agree on an open marriage but I don’t recommend it. A better solution would be to separate, perhaps after the children have left school, and find someone who loves you and finds you sexually exciting. This should only be your neighbour if his marriage is truly over, and if so, after he ends it, which I don’t think will happen.