My parents won’t speak to my daughter

My parents, who are in their 70s, send money, Christmas and birthday cards to my seven-year-old daughter, but they have refused to speak to her for over a year. We live a long distance away from each other and I have suggested they Skype with us, or even just with my daughter, but to no avail. I am worried about the impact on her. There was a girl in her class at school who would not speak to her and now her grandparents are doing the same thing. I have an awful relationship with my parents – we do not see eye to eye on anything and I am blamed for everything. I have tried my best to ensure they have a relationship with her. Should I just give up? This is so sad. The grandparent relationship is important and I find it difficult to understand why any grandparent would behave like that. Unfortunately, I think your parents may be refusing to have contact with their granddaughter as a way of punishing you for any perceived failings or unwanted behaviour of yours. I think they are acting childishly, so you need to be the calm, reasonable grown-up in this. I would write to them and very gently explain (without any anger on your part) how sad you are that you don’t get along, but how heartbreaking it is for your daughter that they don’t want any contact with her either. Explain to them about the girl at school who won’t talk to her and that she doesn’t understand why they don’t want to speak to her. Ask them if there is anything that you can do to make your relationship with them better. I would suggest family counselling but this might not be an option as you live so far apart. If they don’t respond to a gentle appeal, it may be less painful for all of you if you stop trying.