I’m in love with my friend’s husband

Six years ago a really good friend of mine married a man that I was very much in love with. I found it incredibly difficult and still do. Since then I have had several relationships but none of them has really lasted. This man has a beautiful house here and another in Italy where they spend their holidays with their three young children. Recently my friend told me that, though they have a reasonably good relationship and he is a great guy, she has never loved him. I felt very shocked and angry, because I would love to be with him and loved him so much – we did have a very brief relationship before he met her. I believe that she married him more for his money and lovely houses. I don’t think she is being fair to him and he needs to know that she does not love him. Should I tell him? I think perhaps you don’t understand your real motivation for wanting to tell this man that your friend doesn’t love him. While, yes, partly you may feel sorry for him and want him to know the truth, I suspect that your real reason is you can’t help hoping that if he did know, he would end their marriage. Then maybe he would fall in love with you and you could have him at last. However, I don’t think you have really thought this through. First, if you did tell him, he could in fact be angry with you and very hurt, and there is absolutely no guarantee that he would fall in love with you. Second, it would almost certainly be the end of your friendship with his wife. Perhaps most importantly, though, there are three young children to consider. It is much better for them if their parents stay together. And even if the marriage did end and he fell for you, you would then have to take them on as their stepmother. The chances are they would be very hurt and confused at finding their mother’s friend suddenly married to their father and they could easily be very resentful of you. This would put immense strain on any relationship you had with him. It must be very painful for you, but you really do need to stand back and let this man go.