THINGS NOT TO SAY TO A SINGLE WOMAN

SO YOU’RE SINGLE? ARE YOU A LESBIAN, THEN? Just because I’m single doesn’t make me a lesbian. Being a lesbian makes someone a lesbian. And lesbians can be single, too.

WOULD YOU LIKE THE MOBILE NUMBER OF A GUY I MET ON TINDER BUT DIDN’T LIKE? You’re not really selling him to me. So that’ll be a ‘no, thanks’.

WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU DO AT THE WEEKENDS IF YOU’RE ALL ALONE? How about absolutely anything I want to?

WE’VE PUT YOU IN THE SINGLE BED – THAT OK? I’m alone – I’m not a six-year old.

DON’T WORRY, I’M SURE YOU’LL FIND HIM. I’m not actually looking, so no need to try to locate grid coordinates for me just yet.

HE’LL COME ALONG WHEN YOU’RE LEAST EXPECTING IT. Honestly, I haven’t been expecting it for quite some time.

ARE YOU SURE YOU SHOULDN’T TRY ONLINE DATING? CAN’T YOU HEAR YOUR BIOLOGICAL CLOCK TICKING? If it were ticking that loudly I could have gone off and had a baby on my own. It is 2018. And not every woman’s life is dictated by her womb.

I SUPPOSE WORK IS ALL YOU HAVE IN YOUR LIFE SINCE YOU’RE SINGLE AND HAVE NO KIDS. Not the greatest pep talk. And why should footloose and childfree equate to an empty life anyway?

SOMETIMES I REALLY MISS MY SINGLE LIFE, WHEN I COULD JUST BE SELFISH. Selfish isn’t actually every singleton’s middle name. We don’t sit around thinking about ourselves all the time – other people do enter our psyches and our hearts.