DEAR ZELDA

When my son, his wife and young children moved to New Zealand from where we live in Scotland, I sold my flat and moved into my partner’s lovely home – we have been together for 16 years and are both in our 60s. My partner also has a son from a former marriage. However, we seem to have very different priorities regarding our children. I gave my son €8,000 from the sale and told him that the rest of my money, €16,000, will be spent enjoying my life. My lovely son is totally supportive of this. Now my partner and I want to downsize but, without even consulting me, he has agreed with his son to sell our house to him at vastly under the market rate and use the money to buy somewhere smaller for us. But he also says that when he dies he will leave our new house to his son. He has made no provision for me in his will and instead just assures me that his son will not leave me without a roof over my head. I have put so much into this house, both emotionally and financially, and I feel this is very unfair. I am also amazed that my partner’s son is happy to take all the money instead of expecting my partner to enjoy his retirement. Am I being unreasonable? No, you are not being unreasonable but I think your partner is. In your much longer letter it is clear that you have put a great deal into this partnership, even nursing your partner’s mother when she was dying. Unfortunately, as you are not married you may have few rights and I think you should get legal advice (don’t tell your partner just yet). Contact Citizens Information (citizensinformation.ie) for help with finding a solicitor. You should also explain to your partner that you are extremely anxious about your future when he dies and feel all your wishes are being ignored. If he leaves his house to his son, then it should be on the understanding that you can continue to live there for the rest of your life.