Am I being mean about his gift?

For our golden wedding anniversary I bought my husband a solid gold necklet, which cost more than €500. To my horror, when the day came and we exchanged gifts, he had bought me a trinket worth about a tenth of the present I had got for him. I don’t like to appear greedy or mean – but am I? I was shocked to the core that this is all he thought our 50-year marriage was worth. This is eating me up. Please help me resolve this matter. I understand how hurt you feel but try to put that aside for a moment. The quality of the gift does not necessarily reflect the quality of the marriage – so think about your relationship with your husband. Do you feel loved and cared for? Are you both emotionally close? Can you share how you are feeling with each other – the good and the bad? Are you there for one another when either of you is going through a difficult time? Is your sex life good and are you both keen to make love, or is there a mismatch of desires? Also, what words and gestures accompanied the gift? Did he make a special occasion of your anniversary and was there a beautifully written card? It could be that you are so upset not because he didn’t give you an expensive gift, but because it makes you doubt his feelings for you. Maybe material things simply aren’t important to him and he shows his love in other ways. Consider all these things and how you feel about your marriage – then reflect again on whether you still think the value of the gift is important. If there is room for improvement in your relationship, you could address this and ask him gently if he is happy and whether there are things you could both do to nurture your marriage.

I never knew that I was his second wife

My husband died at the beginning of last year. We had been together for 58 years and he was 14 years older than me. Recently, a good friend of ours said that at least I’d had longer with him than his first wife did. I was totally shocked as I had no idea he had been married before. Would he have had to produce divorce papers at the register office where we were married or have I never been legally his wife? How can I find out? I only have the first name of his first wife. I do understand that this must have come as a terrible shock, but try to put it into context. He should have told you, but perhaps his first marriage was very brief and he considered it a foolish or youthful mistake. Remember that it was you he chose to be with for 58 years. In all likelihood he was divorced and you were legally married. The simplest thing to do is to confide in the friend who originally told you and ask them all about it. If you feel you can’t, you may be able to get more information online or perhaps contact a solicitor.