My relationship with my children is falling apart

I live with my two sons, aged 19 and 14, and my partner of three years. They have all enjoyed a great relationship until recently, when I had a heated argument with my sons resulting in the youngest one swearing at me. My partner told him not to speak to me like that. My eldest son stepped in and told him that he had no right to discipline his brother. Since then, they have gone to live with their father despite my best efforts to get them to come home. My eldest says that he doesn’t want to return, as he no longer likes my partner. To make matters worse, their father is using this as an excuse to try to get full custody of our younger son.

Discipline is an extremely tricky subject for step-parents. Your partner was probably right to defend you (as long as it was done without anger) and it is sad that your sons have reacted like this. However, your ex-husband is making matters very difficult for you. Talk to him or, if he won’t listen, ask a friend or family member to explain that broken relationships with parents can be damaging to children. Your ex-husband can help your sons by encouraging them to reconcile with you and dropping the custody battle. Then you and your partner should talk to your children and explain that you love and miss them very much. Remind them of how well they all got on before this argument. It’s best that you ask them to talk about what happened so that you can learn how to overcome these differences in the future. Remember to stay calm and loving, and encourage them to continue to see their father as well. Contact Respond Support (respondsupport.ie) for further advice.