‘Am I wrong to confide in my daughter?’ My husband and I are going through a bad patch. I’ve been relying on my teenage daughter for support, but a couple of friends have told me that it’s not fair of me as it is her dad we’re talking about. She’s my elde

The key here is that he isn’t just your husband, he’s her dad, too, and your problems with him are not hers. I appreciate that you are having a tough time, but is it right if you slant her opinion against him?

However, it is important that you have someone to talk to, and it helps if they also know him. My daughter, too, is rather wise in her teenage youth but there is a boundary I prefer not to cross: I don’t want to burden her with any guilt or make her feel that she needs to take sides. I tried hard to avoid this when I was married to her father.

You need to stop talking to your daughter and let her go back to being a kid. I don’t know why you and your husband are having problems but, corny as it is, try to remember why you fell in love. Beware of the bickering trap – griping at each other in front of people, which is awful. I’ve been in relationships where I’ve thought, ‘Am I being kind and nice to the other person? Do they know I cherish them?’ Ask yourself the same thing. Or are the problems in your marriage overwhelming the relationship?

If you feel you have run out of girlfriends to chat to, it might be worthwhile considering talking to your husband more often, perhaps with the help of a therapist. I once went to a retreat in the US with my former husband when we were going through a very bad patch. The week was full of surprises but, mainly, it taught me a little more about seeing things from both sides, appreciating that actions speak louder than words and that we both needed to take some action if we had a future, even as friends if not spouses.