Why do I always choose cheats?

Before getting involved with my now ex, I was wary as he had a reputation for being a player and some of my previous boyfriends had also been unfaithful. We were together for 15 years – although our relationship didn’t get off to a good start. As I didn’t think he was serious about us, I had sex with another guy and when my ex heard about it he threw me out. We got over it and, two years ago on his 40th birthday in New York, he asked me to marry him. However, he didn’t tell any of his family about our engagement and I then found out that he had been keeping secrets from me for years, such as being a cross-dresser, and that he was also messaging a girl at work. I couldn’t face confronting him as I was blinded by love so I just accepted it. We argued a lot, though, and eventually split up, which broke me completely. I wanted to get back together (and still would) but he is now seeing someone else. I am 42 and he has taken away any prospect of my having children. I know I am stupid to want him back, so why do I always fall for guys who cheat on me – and how do I get over him? This has clearly been a long, complicated relationship and you are probably still grieving for the loss of what you imagined would be your future. You might also be in shock, as all the secrets and lies that he has told you over the years can make you question the whole nature of your relationship. It will take time to get over this, but I wonder if you are missing the relationship you actually had or the one you had idealised in your head? It might help to write a list of all the ways in which he has hurt you. I am afraid that if a man has been serially unfaithful in the past he usually continues to be so in new relationships. I suspect because you found him so attractive and he made you feel loved and desired you thought, or hoped, he would be different with you. Perhaps this was the same with your previous boyfriends. Can you link this back to anything in your childhood, such as a father who was persistently unfaithful? Or maybe you just have low self-esteem. Take future relationships slowly and get to know men as friends first. If you find out they have a history of cheating, run for the hills.