I feel too guilty to break up with him
I am 21 and my boyfriend is 26. I graduated from university last year and am now working in my hometown and living with my mother. My boyfriend and I had been in a long-distance relationship while I was at uni, but after he had an argument with his alcoholic mother I said he could move in with me while he finishes his master’s degree. We have been arguing about how we do things and he is messy. He has also been using drugs when I go out and says it is because he is bored. My mother and work colleagues have encouraged me to break up with him as I am so miserable. This makes me feel guilty as he has an ongoing heart condition and is awaiting surgery. Is this all just a phase or does it indicate what the future holds? Recently
I went to a party with work friends and kissed a colleague who knows what I am going through. However, I think he was taking advantage of me. I like spending time with him but, if I do split up with my boyfriend, I can’t see myself being in a relationship with him – though we are very attracted to each other. I just can’t find the strength to break up with my boyfriend. What do you advise?
This is very hard for you, but you cannot stay in a relationship because you feel guilty. It is clear you no longer love your boyfriend but on top of this he is using drugs and it sounds as though he is not doing much with his life. You also say he is making you miserable. I know it won’t be easy as he is living in the same house as you, but I’m afraid you need to ask him to move out. As he had a difficult home life perhaps you could help him find a house share. You could also offer to help look after him as a friend after his surgery, but make it clear the relationship is over. Visit the HSE drug and alcohol advice service website (drugs.ie) for advice on helping someone who is on drugs. As for your colleague, he does not sound right for you either, so make sure you don’t rush from one man to another. Give yourself some time to recover once you have split with your current boyfriend, then look for someone who will enhance your life not burden it.