My twin sister is making my life hell… but no one will help
QMy twin sister and I used to be very close, but petty arguments about clothes and other things led to our relationship breaking down. We both still live with our parents. Now she continuously makes slanderous comments about me to our family, pokes fun at my previous mental health problems and, in recent weeks, has stolen my belongings – including my passport. I have tried asking my parents for help but they don’t want to get involved. I am at my wits’ end and don’t know how to make it stop. I have even tried locking my belongings away but she always manages to get to them. More importantly, I think she is tearing the family apart. I am desperate. Please help – I want her to leave me alone and be kind but I don’t know how to approach her or what to say to our family.
AIt is very hard when siblings fight – especially when you used to be close. It is particularly unkind that your sister pokes fun at your previous mental health problems, but stealing your passport is illegal and her behaviour sounds extreme. Could she be jealous about something – maybe boyfriends or feeling that you are the favourite? Or has there been a major change in her personality? If so, is it possible that drink and drugs are
QMy mother – who had two sisters – died a couple of months ago. Not long afterwards my aunt also died and at her funeral mum’s remaining sister took me to one side. She told me that my mother had an affair a long time ago with my dad’s brother. My dad was an alcoholic and was often unkind to my mother so I can’t say that I blame her, but I was shocked – mainly, I think, because she never told me. We were close so why didn’t she feel that she was able to confide in me? My dad died more than 20 years ago, so should I ask my uncle (who I like) about it? He is quite elderly now.
AI can see that this must have been a shock, especially coming at a time when you are grieving for both your mother and your aunt. Some cans of worms are best left unopened. There are several reasons why your mother might not have told you: perhaps she thought that you would have disapproved or that you might have told your uncle’s wife or his children – your cousins. If you can speak to your uncle when he is alone, then you could ask him gently about it. It might help you to know why it happened and how he and your mother felt about each other. But do be careful. If his wife and your cousins don’t know anything about it, perhaps it is a secret that he should take to his grave. For them to find out now when your uncle is elderly would serve no purpose and only cause them pain. Remember that none of this changes the mother you knew and loved. involved? Or could she have a boyfriend who is abusing her in some way? If she is very unhappy she could be taking it out on you. Talk to your family again and explain just how anxious this is making you. Explain that you know they don’t want to get involved but that you feel desperate and this is having a huge impact on all of you. Say that you are not asking them to take sides, just that you want to be close to your sister again and for things to be easier. If they won’t get involved, do you and your sister have any mutual friends who could talk to her for you? Also try talking to your sister yourself – tell her how much you love her and how sad you are that you are fighting. Say that you hate the way things are and ask her what is wrong. Perhaps dig out some old family photos or albums to remind her how much fun you used to have together. I really hope that you can get your family involved or that she will listen if you talk to her gently about how upsetting this is for both of you. As you have had previous mental health problems it might be a good idea to return to counselling as this situation is obviously getting you down. You could try contacting Mental Health Ireland (mentalhealthireland.ie) or Accord (accord.ie), which can help with family matters.
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WHY DIDN’T MY MUM TELL ME ABOUT HER AFFAIR?
‘She is cruel and steals from me. I’m at my wits’ end’