I’ve come to terms with my illness… but my family are in denial
QJust over a year ago, I was diagnosed with an incurable disease. It was a massive shock but I decided to make the most of the time I have left. I’m 54 with grown-up children and a lovely, supportive husband. In many ways it has, in spite of everything, been one of the best years of my life. We’ve taken some fantastic and exotic family holidays (to California and to see the Great Barrier Reef in Australia), been to some posh restaurants and the theatre and I think we have all grown closer as a family. However, now I am beginning to feel very tired and think that there may not be much time left. I’ve had counselling to come to terms with my death but I’m concerned about my family. I want to plan my funeral and get everything in order while I still can so there isn’t too much for them to do when I’m gone. When I try to talk to them about this, though, they brush it off and tell me I’m being morbid. I don’t want them to think that I am giving up but it is making me anxious.
AQThis is devastating for you and your family. I am so sorry. It sounds as though you are facing this with
My ex-boyfriend and I broke up seven years ago after he cheated on me. He contacted me recently to say how sorry he was and that it has been the biggest regret of his life. We were due to get married and he said that he had panicked about the commitment. He is now 36, I’m 34. He said that he had never stopped loving me but waited until he had heard that my recent relationship had ended before getting in touch because he didn’t want to mess up my life any more (I recently finished a four-year relationship because I didn’t feel that I loved the man I was with enough to have children with him). I really want to give my ex another chance but I am afraid of having my such courage but I completely understand that you now want to talk to your family about the more serious issues. It is very important that you do so. Gather your husband and children together and explain to them that you are not being morbid or giving up in any way but that you do need to face reality, and not talking about what will happen after your departure is making you very stressed and anxious. Tell them it would help you to face death more calmly and peacefully if they would help you to organise your funeral and get everything in order. They are clearly (and understandably) finding it difficult to accept that you are dying, but preparing for it will help them too. Start the conversation, insist on covering such issues as planning your funeral, making a will and sorting out all your financial affairs, as well as perhaps harder things to discuss such as the kind of care you want in your final days. You, or they, might also want to listen to the award-winning podcast (free on iTunes or Acast) by comedian Cariad Lloyd to help people going through bereavement.
CONTACT ZELDA Write to Zelda West-Meads at: YOU Magazine, PO Box 5332, Dublin 2, or email z.west-meads@youmagazine.ie. Zelda reads all letters but regrets that she cannot answer them all personally. DON’T FORGET: BEL MOONEY’S ADVICE COLUMN APPEARS EXCLUSIVELY IN FEMAIL EVERY THURSDAY – ONLY IN THE IRISH DAILY MAIL
SHOULD I TRUST HIM AFTER HE BROKE MY HEART?
‘When I try to talk to them about it, they tell me I’m being morbid’