DID THEY REALLY SAY THAT?
Some of the hilarious highlights from Liz Jones’s Diary: The Podcast
called it the pitta bread. Liz knew it had destroyed my confidence so arranged the tuck.’
Since then, Nic, who has endured various health problems and – she says – ‘had every eating disorder possible over my life’, has seen her size go up again to a size 14, something she’s very hard on herself about. ‘At 5ft 2in if I’m anything over a size 10 or 12 I resemble a womble!’ she sighs.
‘But the thing about Nic,’ Liz continues, ‘is that even though I’m the slimmer of us both, she has way more male attention than me – there’s a queue!’
‘Careful,’ Nic exclaims. ‘People will think I’m a slapper.’
In fact, Nic’s weight struggles have been an eye-opener for Liz, who previously judged any woman larger than a size 10. ‘I once famously wrote I’d rather be thin than happy; deep down I’ve always wanted to be Gisele or Janice Dickinson,’ she says. ‘It gave me a willpower of steel: I could jog to the moon, I could easily stop eating for a week, so I used to look down on women who didn’t do that. But Nic has taught me to think differently.’
‘I’ve taught her that fat people aren’t lazy. I work really hard,’ Nic says. ‘We just have different mindsets. We go out for dinner and Liz will drive me mad because she’ll order an amazing dessert and be, like, “I don’t really want that” and she’ll take a couple of mouthfuls then push it away – so I end up eating it. I’m like her bin, or another dog. We’re like Jack Spratt and his wife.’
‘Or Laurel and Hardy,’ Liz smiles. ‘That’s what we call ourselves.’
‘I hate the idea of doing this YOU photo shoot, I just won’t look at the pictures because I’ll look frumpy and matronly. Liz can slip into anything and look fantastic,’
Nic continues.
‘But being thin didn’t make my husband love me,’ Liz points out. ‘Whatever size you are you have your strange phobias – even when I got married I wore trousers because I hate my legs and my husband never saw me naked – I’ve been known to unscrew lightbulbs because I’ve never wanted sex with the light on.’
LIZ WEARS DRESS,
IRIS & INK. EARRINGS, €450, MELISSACURRY.COM. SHOES, JIMMY CHOO.
NIC WEARS DRESS, EDELINE LEE, FROM FENWICK. SANDALS, MANOLO BLAHNIK. RINGS, ASTLEY CLARKE
‘While I’ve never been worried about anything like that,’ Nic says cheerily.
So fascinated was Liz by the differences between the two women’s attitude to weight that now she’s written her first novel
8½ Stone, to be published in May. ‘The heroine is a big, really funny woman. She’s based on 13 years of watching how a larger woman such as Nic deals with someone not wanting to have sex with her, or going on holiday and wanting but not being able to wear a bikini,’ Liz says.
‘But then the character loses weight and she becomes me: the skinny, OCD, no-thanks-Idon’t-need-dessert-I’m-full nightmare. So the fat character thinks she’s going to become happy when she’s thin, but she’s not.’
Nic doesn’t seem to mind being the inspiration for this character, just as she’s relaxed about her unexpected entry into the limelight. ‘I didn’t look for attention; I’m just here to support Liz, but I love it when people say nice things about the podcast, I was terrified they’d tear me to shreds because I’m so common – there’s a perception that people with East London accents like mine are stupid, but I’m not.’
What’s clear is – podcast or no podcast – the women will always be there for each other. ‘We are a bit of a formidable force for a third person to come into – maybe that’s why I can’t get a boyfriend,’ Liz says, but she doesn’t sound remotely bothered. ‘Seriously,’ she continues. ‘We have had a laugh and in the end having a laugh with friends is the only thing that gets you through.’ Right now, who could disagree?
Listen to Liz Jones’s Diary: The Podcast on iTunes and Spotify.Liz’s comic novel 8½ Stone (Matthew James Publishing, price €12.99) is available as an ebook via all outlets online, including Apple Books and Kindle. A paperback will follow in August
...JOANNE TOOLAN’S
SPRINGTIME ESSENTIALS
It would be all too easy, in these days of lockdown, to slump in front of the television, binge watching series after series, while eating and drinking mindlessly. But I feel that would be a wasted opportunity. While the government has said that you’re ‘allowed’ to exercise once a day, I’d go so far as to say you ‘must’ exercise daily. Exercise not only boosts mental health, but also helps maintain a strong immune system, both of which are hugely important. Over the following pages, you’ll find routines devised especially for YOU readers, starting with eight of my favourite resistance (weight-bearing) exercises, which will give you a full-body workout. If you can spend just 30 minutes a day, three to four times a week, working on activating the major muscle groups, your body will thank you for it. If you find the suggested amounts for each exercise too much to begin with, start small and work up to the full amount.
And, as with any new fitness regime, check with your doctor before starting, especially if you haven’t exercised in a while. Also, before you begin working out make sure you warm up your muscles first by walking or jogging on the spot for a few minutes. Of course, strength is only one part of keeping fit. You also need cardio – something that will get you panting. And while you can still head out for a brisk walk, run or cycle, Anya Lahiri, master gym instructor, has devised an at-home workout based on one of its classic upbeat exercise classes.
Known for its high-intensity interval training workouts, Barry’s sweaty sessions, accompanied by nightclub-style sound and lights, have proved hugely popular since the fitness chain spread to Europe from West Hollywood in 2013. To get the full Barry’s experience, put on some up-tempo music – turn the page for some playlist suggestions – and prepare to feel the burn.
Finally, Mia Togo of Triyoga studio has created a series of moves to ensure you feel supple and stretched, as well as physically – and mentally – relaxed.