‘QUARANTINE IS AGONISING FOR MY AUTISTIC SON’ BY NOVELIST KATHY LETTE
Mothering an autistic person is like trying to put together a jigsaw without the picture on the box – there’s no owner’s manual. But it’s been especially difficult during lockdown. Quarantine is gruelling enough for we neurotypicals, so just imagine the excruciating confusion for those suffering from anxiety.
People on the spectrum may struggle with communication, OCD and chronic anxiety.
They are often also Wikipedia with a pulse. My own vivid 29-year-old son Jules knows more about Shakespeare, the Beatles, tennis and movie stars than their own mothers. These days he also knows a lot about plagues – the bubonic, the black death, sweating sickness, zika, ebola, smallpox pandemics, influenzas, typhus, typhoid… you name it and he can tell you how many millions died and in what agonising ways.
The mother of a special-needs child has to be his bodyguard, legal advocate, executive officer making every decision on his behalf, scientist questioning all medications, and now, during the coronavirus crisis, also full-time shrink. The unfairness of the world’s plight rears up like a tsunami and crashes down upon my son’s head on a daily basis. The brutal death toll, the loneliness of the months ahead, his ruptured life including the enforced separation from his girlfriend and postponement of his job as an actor on the BBC medical drama Holby City, has him endlessly fleeing down some descending labyrinth of the mind. While many of us can self-medicate with chocolate or wine and lose ourselves in movies and books, for Jules the anxiety is always with him. His angst is constant, like tinnitus. It’s just always there.
Living with him is like living in a minefield – I never know what will touch a tripwire. And after weeks of lockdown I could qualify for a PhD in worry. Yet despite his dark moods, his quirky humour provides welcome relief from quarantining stress. He makes us laugh a lot. Ironically, despite government-enforced self-distancing, my family – like many others – has never felt closer. Jules may feel he’s drowning in his own brainwaves but love and laughter is our life raft.