We haven’t had sex for three years

QMy partner of eight years lives with me in my house but increasingly ignores me. He owns two properties, which he rents out, but keeps the income for himself. A few months ago, I found out that he had been sending flirty emails to a young woman at work, which he considered to be just a laugh so there was no apology. We haven’t had sex now for three years; we don’t hold hands, there is no kissing or hugs. Even before the lockdown our lives had become separate, with him doing his activities and me doing mine, and him seeing his grandchildren alone. At bedtime he just goes upstairs without even saying good night. When I go up he’s usually asleep but if he is awake he never looks at me getting undressed. We hardly talk – he never even asks if I’d like a cup of tea when he’s making himself one. I know that I should be blunt and ask him, ‘Why are you here with me?’ but I am worried that he would just shout at me and twist what I say. I feel as though we are living together in my house as lodgers. He helps with the bills but pays nothing towards my mortgage. I feel it’s time that he bought a house for us to live in, then I could keep my home in case the relationship doesn’t work out. I could also rent it, which would provide me with a good income.

QYOU’S RELATIONSHIPS COUNSELLOR ANSWERS YOUR PROBLEMS

My daughter used to be my best friend. I also got on well with her husband and adore my grandchildren of 14 and 11. I used to visit them regularly and often stayed over. However, my husband and I went on holiday with them last year and had an argument with our son-in-law about not tidying up. The next day we ignored each other and my husband and I ended up going home early. Since then things have deteriorated. I still speak to my grandchildren often, but my daughter is cold and hardly rings me. I haven’t felt welcome or seen them since just before Christmas.

I tried to make things right before lockdown but my daughter said that her husband – a successful businessman – needs his space.

I’m devastated.

CONTACT ZELDA Write to Zelda West-Meads at: YOU Magazine, PO Box 5332, Dublin 2, or email z.west-meads@youmagazine.ie. Zelda reads all letters but regrets that she cannot answer them all personally. DON’T FORGET: BEL MOONEY’S ADVICE COLUMN APPEARS EXCLUSIVELY IN FEMAIL EVERY THURSDAY – ONLY IN THE IRISH DAILY MAIL

WHY IS MY DAUGHTER STILL MAD AT ME?

We hardly talk, and he never even asks if I’d like a cup of tea